


Book I: Amidst the Chaos

by ProphecyGirl



Series: Gravity [2]
Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: #headforheda2k19, Abby is a better mom than canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Sex, Angst, Angst and Feels, Apocalypse nowish, BAMF Octavia Blake, Bitchy Clarke, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, Clan Lore, Commander Lexa, Commanders need love too, Domestic Clexa, Dry Humping, Edging, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Episode AU: s02e15 Blood Must Have Blood Part I, Episode: s02e15 Blood Must Have Blood Part I, Established Octavia Blake/Lincoln, F/F, Feels, Fingering, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluffier Than Intended, Gen, Grounder Octavia Blake, Heda Lexa, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, Imprisonment, Lexa Lives, Light BDSM, Lincoln Lives, Masturbation, Minor Clarke Griffin/Niylah, Mount Weather, Octavia Blake & Lexa Friendship, Orgasm Delay, Orgasm Denial, Passivity, Post-Episode: s02e15 Blood Must Have Blood Part I, Post-Mount Weather, Power Dynamics, Restraints, Role Reversal, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sad Clarke, Skaikru Is The 13th Clan, Smut, Titus Being an Asshole, Topping from the Bottom, Voyeurism, Worldbuilding, arguing leading to sex, clarke fucks lexa into a nap again, clexakru - Freeform, everyone's just really happy for five minutes, i'm here to help, little octavia, octavia is wanheda, oh look azgeda are being dicks again what a shock, raven deserves better, reluctant toppy Lexa, seamechanic - Freeform, service top clarke, switch - Freeform, tondc still exists, too much Trigedasleng as usual, which is more than they get on the show so you're welcome, winter I mean praimfaiya is coming, world-building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-02-09 10:01:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18635899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProphecyGirl/pseuds/ProphecyGirl
Summary: Change one thing, change everything. Mount Weather offers Clarke a deal instead, and everything gets really complicated--especially when Clarke finds herself being held prisoner in Polis.Basically a rewrite of everything from "Blood Must Have Blood" onward, because I am Clexatrash and I enjoy the masochistic pain of worldbuilding. Apparently.Don't stop trying to find me here amidst the chaosThough I know it's blinding, there's a way outSay out loud: We will not give up on love nowNo fear, don't you turn like OrpheusJust stay here; hold me in the dark [..]I'll show you good, restore your faithI'll try and somehow make a meaning of the poison in this placeConvince you love, don't breathe it inYou were written in the stars that we are swimming in- Sara Bareilles, 'Orpheus'





	1. Prologue: How to Start a War

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place immediately after "Zero Gravity" (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18602500).  
> Not even sure how this went from being a smutty oneshot to me fixing everything about the series I find upsetting, but here we are anyway.

_I thought we were meant to be_

_Thought it'd be you and me_

_Standing together at the end of the world_

_I guess that's not what you want_

_I guess that I should just move on_

_You tell me how am I to move when I can't even breathe_

_This is not how you make love_

_This is not what we signed up for_

_This is not how it's meant to be_

_This how you start a war_

\- Simon Curtis, 'How to Start a War'

 

Clarke didn't have a choice.

She chewed her lip furiously and swore she could still taste Lexa on it, which just made what she was about to do worse. She tried to steel herself, but her head was thick with the memory of Lexa's body shuddering and falling apart under her. Was it really only a few hours ago that they lay in bed, naked and coated in a sheen of sweat, still laughing about the look on Ryder's face?

* * *

 

Then the rockets went up. They tumbled over and into each other as they frantically tried to locate their clothing and armor to the sound of people yelling for them. The sky had lit up, signaling Bellamy's success in the mountain.

A palpable excitement ran through the camp, and she and Lexa had shared a look, their chests heaving in sync as it hit them. Lexa had smiled widely, practically shaking from anticipation as she said loud enough only for Clarke to hear, "Now we fight."

Clarke had never felt like this before; it was a feeling almost as intense as Lexa had sparked in her just hours ago, only the entire encampment was feeling it. The chorus of " _Jus drein, jus daun!"_ was contagious and grew steadily louder as the army arranged themselves into formation and Clarke felt her heart rate spike even further as she and Lexa joined in.

Behind them, Octavia let out a howl as Indra's _gonakru_ assembled quickly around the Commander and, by default, Clarke. Amid the cheers and howls, Indra lifted a sword into the air and yelled, " _Gon wor_!" and they started their march, the entire army behind and around them still thrusting their weapons and banging their shields in cadence with the war drums.

She and Lexa shared a nod and a fiery look, and Clarke found herself fantasizing about celebrating their victory later on in private. Feeling as juiced as she was, she wanted to grab Lexa and push her up against a tree right that second and fuck her senseless, armor and all.

"—lis after this is done."

Clarke's head snapped towards Lexa, who was studying her as they walked, one eyebrow lifted and a bemused look on her face as though she'd heard Clarke's thoughts. "Uh.." she said dumbly, trying to keep her eyes on Lexa's face instead of her heaving chest and having only minimal success.

"I said, you should come with me to Polis after all this," Lexa said patiently, her own eyes dropping to the bit of cleavage Clarke's shirt left exposed.

Clarke's eyes twinkled a little as she replied evenly, "It'd be my pleasure to come with you." Much to her surprise and amusement, Lexa's ears turned a little red.

Octavia, who was possibly more pumped up than anyone else present, hung herself over Clarke's shoulder momentarily, patting the front of her shoulder lightly. "Get a room, would you?"

"I have many rooms in Polis, Octavia. You are welcome to get one as well."

Octavia looked at the Commander unsurely for a moment before realizing she was entirely serious. "Oh, uh.. Thank you, _heda_. I'd be honored to travel to Polis." She paused, glancing over her shoulder at her mentor. "Er, if Indra will let me."

"She will be going to Polis as well. However, she already has a room."

Clarke subtly drove her elbow into Octavia's side when she heard her struggling to hold back a snicker. Thankfully, Indra shouted for her and Octavia started to drop back once more after making a relatively obscene gesture at Clarke; thankfully a relic from the previous generation on the Ark and, as far as she knew, nothing a grounder would clue into.

Clarke flushed as Lexa looked confused. "What was that? Code?"

Clarke cleared her throat and fiddled with a button on her shirt. "Uh, just something kids on the Ark do—uh, did—to annoy each other. Octavia is kind of like, the little sister I never asked for."

"Ah." Clarke smirked a little when she realized Lexa wasn't paying attention to anything besides her breasts at the moment.

* * *

 

But then Emerson had approached with his hands in the air at the ridge line, where Clarke and Lincoln and a small support _gonakru_ were trying to stop the shooters. Clarke was dripping with blood, almost none of it hers, and she felt like she was just watching her body do these awful things from somewhere else.

Walking into the security pod with him.

Seeing the guns held up to Bellamy's head; Jasper's, Raven's, Monty's.

Her mother strapped down and being drilled into.

Offered a deal.

One marrow donation from each member of _Skaikru_ —with anesthetic—and they keep the Grounders until everyone in Mount Weather was cured.

She should have let Bellamy take out the generator, should have cared less about the monsters who'd been bleeding thousands of grounders over the years; keeping them locked in cages like lab rats. Sure, some of them had helped _Skaikru_ , but all of them had taken the treatments, hadn't they? Sure, it wasn't the fault of the kids, but wars had casualties, and Lexa's people hadn't done anything to deserve it, either.

 _Lexa_.

It felt like her soul was ripping in two, like part of her was dying, and Clarke couldn't help recoiling as she shook Cage's hand to cement the deal.

Watching her people being escorted out the door, broken and bleeding and surrounded by guns to prevent grounder retaliation. Lexa's eyes narrowing when she saw only _Skaikru_ , her voice tense and coming from the back of her throat.

 

_"What did you do, Clarke?"_

_"What you would have done. Saved my people."_

_Stunned horror. "They'll all be killed. But you don't care about that, do you?"_

_Guilt. "I do care, Lexa. But I made this choice with my head and not my heart."_

_"Don't do this, Clarke."_

_"I'm sorry, Lexa." Her voice cracked, tears streaking her cheeks. "May we meet again."_

_Emerald eyes were glaring daggers into Clarke's as Lexa snarled, feral and full of rage._

_"You better hope we don't."_

 

Clarke didn't have a choice, though.

 

Did she?


	2. The War Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's got a bounty on her head and a death wish, Niylah's got it bad for Clarke, and Octavia's got a new job.

> _There's a war inside my head_
> 
> _Sometimes I wish that I was dead, I'm broken [..]_
> 
> _So what if I'm fucking crazy?_
> 
> _I'm gonna show you_
> 
> _Loco, maniac, sick bitch, psychopath,_
> 
> _Yeah, I'm gonna show you_
> 
> _Mental out my brain, batshit go insane,_
> 
> _Yeah, I'm gonna show you crazy, crazy_
> 
> \- Bebe Rexha, I'm Gonna Show You Crazy
> 
>  

Niylah fucked her hard and furiously, leaving Clarke sated and sore for days afterward. The frenzied, punishing pace, the bruises that marked their time together, and the blindfold that let her pretend it was Lexa pounding in and out of her while she lay spread-eagle and bound was the only thing she truly needed anymore.

  
Sometimes she felt bad for Niylah; it was clear she cared for her, although Clarke could no longer understand how anyone could after what she'd done. It was also clear that Clarke was using her, and that Niylah was very well aware of it. Probably something to do with the fact that when Clarke came, it wasn't Niylah's name she cried out.

Ever.

Just something else she could feel guilty about—but not guilty enough to put an end to the only human contact she had anymore. If Niylah was willing to continue being a stand-in for Lexa despite her genuine feelings for Clarke, then Clarke mostly felt like that was Niylah's decision to make and not her own.

She was done choosing for other people.

Her people were alive and safe and the mountain had fallen anyway. Octavia, disgusted by _Skaikru_ and Clarke in particular, had refused to abandon the grounders. She'd pulled the lever and irradiated the whole place, earning her a position beside Indra as one of the Commanders attendants as well as the nickname _Wanheda_ , the Commander of Death _._

That was what she knew and all she could let matter since the day she walked away from the mountain, her own people, and the furious betrayal on Lexa's face without a word to anyone.

 

_I bear it so they don't have to._

 

She left before Niylah woke up the way she always did. Grabbed her stuff and headed out into the dusky morning. Surprisingly, there was no kill order on her, but there was on anyone harboring or helping her, regardless of clan affiliation. And frankly, she felt like she had more than enough grounder blood on her hands already without being responsible for the spilling of Niylah's or anyone else's.

Why Lexa had put a bounty on her rather than a kill order was unclear, but Clarke imagined it was because Lexa was probably looking forward to delivering the thousand cuts she'd earned with her own hands.

The crazy thing was that part of Clarke wished she wasn't quite so good at flying under the radar, so to speak; the same part that craved Lexa's vengeance, her punishment. She couldn't help surviving; that part was just instinct, really. She wouldn't be taken down without a fight—unless it was at Lexa's hand. Clarke figured she'd earned that much, at least.

She thought about Lexa's hands a lot these days—slicing into her, wrapped around her neck, sliding a sword into her heart. At night, when it was quiet and the world seemed empty but for her and the other animals roaming the forest, those images were frequently interrupted by thoughts of those same hands running over her body; kneading her breasts, fingers sliding confidently inside her, nails digging into her hips and scratching up her spine.

Clarke often felt that living this way was a worse punishment than death. Sure, in grounder tradition she'd be lashed to a tree, tortured, her flesh sliced into dozens of times at least before blood loss would be a problem, before it ended on the tip of the Commander's sword. But the alternative was living with the guilt, the loneliness, and the idea of what she and Lexa could have had. She'd prefer the sword, honestly, which was probably why she didn't actively seek it.

Death was far more than she deserved.

 

* * *

 

Clarke had barely made it out of earshot of the trading post when she was grabbed, a blade so sharp it was already slicing into her skin as unimaginably strong arms compressed her chest, squeezing the breath from her lungs.

This was it, then. Whoever had her would either kill her themselves or dump her in Lexa's lap. Maybe even drag her off to _Azgeda_ so the Ice Queen could use her as some kind of a bargaining chip with Lexa. Clarke couldn't even bring herself to care which of those things was about to happen.

One way or another, it meant she would soon be alleviated of the misery that had colored every minute of her life since the day they floated her father. There was a relief running through her as the grip tightened just a little bit, the knife starting to shift over her flesh, the handle a whisper against her earlobe.

Option A it was, then; death by whoever was compressing her chest and pulling blood from her tender throat.

The thought brought a wave of peace, of calmness, over her, and she slumped back against her captor just a little, her hands resting at her sides, and closing her eyes, focused on making her last thoughts ones that brought her back to better times and as close to joy as she could manage.

Wells teaching her to play chess and giving her charcoals and pencils in exchange for getting to see whatever she created with them. Watching recorded sports games and listening to music from before the world ended with her father. Learning how to open a surgical incision and close a wound from her mother.

The party they'd had outside the dropship when they'd first landed, where she'd earned Bellamy's respect once more by demolishing him at the makeshift beer-pong table. The look on Jasper's face when he woke up for the first time after the spear attack. Raven's arms around her, thanking her for not letting Finn suffer. Octavia's tears of relief when Lincoln had started breathing and become Lincoln again.

She even let herself remember her night with Lexa in vivid detail, blocking out everything that had come after.

Clarke was surprised by the realization that, despite the constant death and struggling, Earth hadn't been _completely_ unkind to her. In fact, she had more happy memories beginning with the feel of the soft dirt shifting beneath her boots than she did with the echo of her footsteps on the cold, shining metal hallways of the Ark.

No, Earth hadn't been entirely bad after all, and the thought made a serene smile spread across her lips. Having made peace with her fate and ready to exit the mortal coil, she readied herself for the slash of the knife and whispered into the air.

 " _Ai gonplei ste odon_."

Clarke stiffened, her eyes flying open when a furious and very familiar voice hissed into her ear, "Oh, you wish, Sky Princess." She was speechless, her brain seeming to misfire in every possible direction when the hands attached to the voice deftly bound her own behind her back tightly enough to cut off her circulation before looping the rope around her waist and arms a few times, securing her in a way she was fairly certain would be impossible to escape.

The hands tested the ropes a few times before slipping the knife back into the holster on her thigh. They grabbed her shoulders roughly and spun her around, dizzying her even further, and suddenly she was staring into a face that had changed a lot over the previous months. Even with multiple scars and a tattoo swirling around one eye and down her cheek, she was still completely recognizable.

A sick feeling forming in her gut at how utterly _fucked_ she was, she swallowed hard, her knees going a little weak as a dark smirk spread across Octavia's face.

"Hello, Clarke."


	3. Shining Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is sad and hurting, but she also finally has a friend. Aww. Whatever, I'm a sap. I own it.

> _Head underwater, no one could save her_
> 
> _She played with death, she held her breath, she liked the pain_
> 
> _Her world was crumbling, but she did nothing_
> 
> _She'd numb herself so she would never feel a thing_
> 
> \- Bebe Rexha, Shining Star

 

 

Lexa didn't cry.

Well, of course she didn't. _Heda_ couldn't show any kind of weakness, perceived or otherwise.

But even in private, even when it was just her; just Lexa _kom Trikru_ , laying in the extravagant bedroom on layers of soft, warm pelts, surrounded by candles and thick with richly-colored tapestries and artwork, Lexa rarely let herself feel anything fully enough to bring tears to her eyes.

There had been Costia, of course. And then, camped just outside her former home of Tondc, she'd spent a few hours sniffling into her sleeve—the one that still had flecks of Gustus' blood on it—and hoping nobody would hear her.

But as a rule, neither _Heda_ Lexa or Lexa _kom Trikru_ cried.

Which is why it was so confusing that she'd taken to dismissing her handmaidens—much to Titus' chagrin—and having herself a good solid cry in the claw foot bath tub far more often than she was comfortable with.

She hadn't allowed herself to feel much of anything since the night she found Costia's head waiting beside her pillow. She couldn't help caring about Gustus; she'd known him nearly her entire life. But certainly, she would never let herself care about anyone _else_.

Then Clarke had fallen from the sky and thrown her life, her head, and her heart into a whirlwind that made her absolutely dizzy with emotion.

Nervous but determined, handling Anya's braid so carefully; somehow understanding how meaningful and important their tradition was. The way she held her head high and maintained her composure despite killing the boy only minutes prior. The soft murmur of their eulogy, the unfamiliar language passing through her lips easily but solemnly; respectfully. Even Indra had been impressed by her behavior at the pyre.

Clarke Griffin, her heart somehow hidden away but on her sleeve at the same time. Clarke, who was the one person in the world who understood the weight of being the leader. Clarke, with her piercing blue eyes and soft blonde curls, awakening things in Lexa that she hadn't felt since Costia and driving her to downright distraction at some very inconvenient times.

The fearless way she sauntered up to Quint despite the overwhelmingly large size disparity, and glared him down like he was a child. The concern in her face while she bandaged her shoulder and the strength in her hands when she grabbed Lexa and swung her out the door before following her and slamming the door in _Pauna_ 's face.

Clarke's hands running over her body, making her see the stars she'd come from before their coats had even come off. Strong enough to lift her off the ground, confident enough to leave behind the rough scratches Lexa craved, but gentle enough to make her feel safer than she ever had before.

Lexa wasn't stupid. If Mount Weather had offered her the same deal, Clarke's people for her own, she absolutely would have taken it. That was what it meant to be _Heda_ —whether it was of the ground or the sky. You had to make the choices nobody else would make, the ones that were for the greater good, and you had to lock your feelings about all of it deep, deep inside where they couldn't surface and sway you.

At least, until you were alone in a bath tub, staring out at the stars in the sky and remembering the touch of the girl who came from them. Crying over what you almost had and trying to mirror the feel of her against your own skin. Pressing two, then three fingers inside, rubbing yourself raw as you shattered over and over again in every possible way, and somehow it still wasn't enough. It never was.

Titus had pushed her to issue a kill order, and been angry when she refused; even angrier than he'd been when she'd forbidden him from going after Luna. Indra didn't say anything and Lexa didn't ask, but she had a vague idea of what her thoughts were, too.

Octavia, however, had been the one to suggest the bounty instead, and not for the reasons one might have expected.

* * *

 

Octavia's face was stony and streaked with Emerson's blood on one side, her jaw set and her eyes even darker than usual as she watched the former prisoners stepping over the irradiated corpses that littered the floor across the entire level. Lincoln had set his hand on her shoulder, meaning to comfort her, but she shifted away from him quickly and without a word. Hurt on his face, he'd gone to help the more severely injured make their way out of the mountain, and Octavia remained still, surveying her work with a stormy expression.

Lexa, still reeling from Clarke's betrayal, had handed Indra her pauldron and made her way through the above-ground graveyard to Octavia's side, just standing next to her quietly. It was many minutes before she spoke.

"Aren't you going to congratulate me like everyone else, _Heda_?" Her voice was respectful but strained.

"No." Lexa replied simply.

Octavia's brows furrowed as she turned to look at her. "No?" Lexa shook her head a little. "Why not?"

Her voice was gentle but serious when she responded. "There's no glory in killing. Especially children."

Octavia snorted and looked away once more. "Says the girl who sits on a _throne_ just because she managed to survive a child-killing free-for-all."

Lexa barely allowed herself a small smile, vaguely amused by Octavia's casual disrespect. "That's a fair assessment. I had a choice—I could kill or I could die. Sometimes we have to do the most terrible of things just to keep breathing. Or to make sure someone we care about can keep breathing." Octavia glanced at her sideways, listening. "Their blood is not _just_ on your hands, Octavia. It is on mine, on Clarke's, on all of our hands. This is the nature of war; it makes murderers of us all. You can't let it destroy you."

Octavia's expression faltered just a little bit, the mask slipping momentarily, and Lexa, still reeling from Clarke's betrayal and feeling particularly weak in that moment as well, reached out and gently gave her hand a squeeze. "I hope you—and of course Lincoln if you wish—will still consider coming to Polis with us, Octavia _kom Trikru_."

Octavia softened quickly and cleared her throat, trying to hold in her emotion as she nodded. "It would be an honor, _Heda_."

 

* * *

 

Octavia sat backwards in a chair, a habit that, for some reason, Lexa found amusing, twirling her knife against her fingertip distractedly while Titus droned on and on to the point where even Indra was tuning him out. She had begun to feel an interesting kinship with Octavia during her weeks here in Polis. As Indra's second, she was privy to far more Polis politics than most, and it had been strangely comforting to have someone her own age around; especially someone who was respectful (most of the time) but acted more like an equal than a subject.

It had recently begun weighing on Lexa more than usual that she did not have any friends. The _natblidas_ she'd grown up with had, of course, died—several of them at her own hand—excepting Luna, who had fled. Costia had really been her only friend; the only person who was ever willing to challenge her without backing down, someone she could speak freely with and even laugh with. She'd felt the same way with Clarke before.. Everything. Still, it was a bit different when you were romantically involved, too.

But since coming to Polis, she and Octavia had bonded over many things, including being raised in a cage, told who to be, and, particularly at the moment, being tired of Titus' sour disposition. From her throne, she glanced at Octavia once more, who imitated talking with her hand while rolling her eyes. Lexa bit her lower lip to try to keep her smile at bay, thankful that Titus seemed to be wrapping up his point for the third time.

"That said, may I now send riders to deliver the kill order to the clans, _Heda_?"

Lexa sighed in annoyance. "Titus, how many times will we argue this?"

"Until you issue the order. This Clarke made you look weak, violating a truce she herself initiated. You _must_ strike her down befo—"

"Issuing a kill order is a stupid idea that's definitely gonna make the Commander look weak," Octavia snapped, immediately looking surprised that she'd said it out loud. Indra, Titus, and the security detail at the doors all stared Octavia down with occasional glances towards Lexa for a reaction.

Lexa sat back, folding her hands in her lap. "What do you mean, Octavia? _Ron ai ridiyo op_."

Octavia looked mildly nervous, but cleared her throat and sat up a little straighter. "A kill order makes it look like Lexa can't even take her on herself, which we all know is _gapa-skrish_. Like she's gotta get someone else to do her dirty work for her? Especially when that dirty work is a soft blond chick from outer space."

Titus was fuming as he faced off with Octavia. "Appalling and disrespectful language aside, being that you're so well-versed in being a leader, what would you suggest? That the Commander wander the forest to hunt down the Skygirl herself?"

Unimpressed by his attitude, Octavia just continued spinning the tip of the knife against her fingertip and shrugged. "Make it a bounty. Let everyone else do the hunting and _kampa_ _granen_ and bring her to you instead."

Titus' ears were turning red and Lexa was enjoying his distress far more than a Commander should; and from the looks of it, Indra was fairly amused as well. "You suggest this because you are also _Skaikru_ , your interest is in saving your people, Skygirl! Nothing more!" Titus was yelling now, his face uncomfortably close to hers and his hand going for his dagger.

Lexa opened her mouth to intervene before they came to blows, but Octavia had already pushed the chair over and gotten her knife to his throat before he'd even managed to unsheathe his weapon. She put her face directly in his and said with a very firm and quiet confidence, "I am no Skygirl, _Fleimkepa_. I am Octavia _kom Trikru_ , second to _Trikru_ Chief Indra, junior attendant to _Heda Leksa kom Trikru_. And **my** people are here in Polis and back in Tondc." She took the knife and put it back on her hip before picking her chair up and taking her seat once more.

Titus looked flustered, Indra looked proud, and Lexa couldn't remember the last time she'd enjoyed something so much. She did her best to gather her composure. "So it shall be. Titus, send riders with word of the bounty and the drawings from Lincoln. Anyone found to be helping or harboring Clarke _kom Skaikru_ will be subject to a kill order. As will anyone who kills or injures her. I want her delivered to me alive and unharmed." Titus opened his mouth and she put her hand up in annoyance. "Enough, Titus. Those are my orders."

Mollified, he lowered his head. "Yes, _Heda_."

"Now leave me."

Lexa watched everyone file out for a moment before calling out. "Octavia, stay." She obediently turned around and came back in, just lifting an eyebrow when Titus's muffled but very annoyed voice echoed from the hallway. Lexa smirked as well, standing and going to the balcony to look over the city as she often did. "Join me."

Octavia came up next to her, leaning on the railing. "You're not gonna kick me off the tower or something, are you?"

"I have not done that to anyone in several months, no matter what you've heard." Octavia smiled, digging the tip of her knife into the railing. "I wanted to thank you for your input today. Every day, really. You've been an invaluable member of my council."

Octavia's eyes lowered a little, her cheeks flushing. "That.. That means a lot coming from you, _Heda_."

"Just Lexa is fine." She shrugged a little. "There's nobody else here. And we.. We're friends."

She'd meant that to be a statement, but it had sounded smaller and sadder than she intended, and she felt her cheeks go red with embarrassment.

Octavia was quiet for a moment, staring out over Polis before she responded. "It's okay. I'm not.. Really used to having a friend, either. I mean, Lincoln is different, and Bellamy kinda had to be my friend."

Lexa leaned on the railing next to her. "I had a brother and a sister, as well."

"Had?"

"They were part of my conclave," she said softly, her eyes shifting in the direction of Tondc.

Octavia just shifted a little closer to her, gently bumping their arms together on the railing. "Some pair, aren't we? The Nightblood and the Girl Under the Floor."

Lexa gestured out at the seemingly endless expanse of land that lay far below them. "You're not under the floor any longer."

Octavia smiled; a genuine one that ran from ear to ear before looking out at their surroundings again. "You can say that again."

"You're not under the floor any longer."

Octavia chuckled a little, bumping her shoulder again affectionately. "You're a good friend, Lexa. I'm lucky."

Lexa smiled as well. "As am I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIG TRANSLATIONS:  
> Ron ai ridiyo op. - Speak honestly.  
> gapa skrish - horseshit  
> kampa granen - grunt work/slave work


	4. Spine of Atlas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is an annoying hostage, Lexa has complicated feels, and Octavia should probably just be in charge of everyone's decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- The atlas is the first cervical vertebrae (C1) of the spinal column and is responsible for supporting the weight of the skull. It is named after the Titan of Greek mythology, Atlas, whom Zeus punished by forcing him to hold the sky up on his shoulders.
> 
> \- In Greek mythology, Danae was kept locked in a bronze room by her father, Acrisius, because the oracle foretold that Danae would have a son who would kill Acrisius.
> 
> \- Trigedasleng translations at the end

> _This storm of thorns is growing, there's no end in sight_
> 
> _Chaos claws my jaw & incites a mental riot _
> 
> _I'm in the mouth of madness with a tongue of poetry_
> 
> _I ate the spine of Atlas_
> 
> _Now the world is crushing me_
> 
> _I hate my life, buried alive behind enemy lines_
> 
> \- Otep, 'Buried Alive'

 

 

 

 

Octavia lashed Clarke to the tree, binding her hands separately to her waist with just enough slack for her to reach her mouth and tossed a roll of cloth with smoked meat and a bota bag of water into her lap with slightly more force than necessary. She sat on a stray log opposite her and pulled out the sword bearing the mark of the Coalition Lexa had presented her with and began unnecessarily sharpening the blade of it while Indra's voice echoed in her head.

_"Distraction is the enemy of your enemy. Make them nervous and you will learn something from them."_

 

 Octavia slowly and deliberately scraped the stone over the blade with a steady cadence as Clarke ate and drank quietly, her face solemn but otherwise unreadable.

"You're not going to eat?" Clarke broke the silence after awhile, studying her curiously.

Octavia ignored her, as she'd been doing all day. Aside of the greeting, she'd spoken three times; "No", "Wait", and "Eat". She was well aware that it was driving Clarke a little crazy, and that was the point. Not to mention, she was mildly afraid that any conversation with Clarke would lead to an overwhelming desire to shut her up that would directly violate the whole "alive and unharmed" order from Lexa.

Occasional sighs and throat-clearing from Clarke was the only sound breaking up the natural music of the forest and rhythmic scraping of stone on metal until she finally snapped a little. "Would you say _something_?"

Octavia slowly looked up at her, the scar on her cheek shifting when her eyes narrowed a little. "What do you want me to say, Clarke? That what you pulled at Mount Weather was cowardly and fucked up? That you made a mess and left it for the rest of us to clean up? I figured you knew all that already, but if you wanna hear it again.."

Clarke swallowed hard. "I had to save our people."

"' _We'_ don't have people anymore. _Ai laik kom Trikru_ , Skygirl." Octavia practically snarled, her eyes flashing.

Clarke's face hardened a little. "So Bellamy isn't your people? I should have let them put a bullet in his head, in Raven's, in Jasper and Monty's? That's what you would have preferred?"

Octavia stabbed her sword into the ground and moved in, squatting in front of Clarke, her face only an inch or two away and enjoying the look of hesitation that appeared in her pale blue eyes. "Bellamy would _never_ have told you to do what you did. None of them would have." She shifted even further into Clarke's personal space, her voice tightening just a little bit. "You betrayed the Commander, the truce with the Coalition, the people in Mount Weather that helped us, the grounders taken by the _maunon_ , and your own people! You left all of us there without a word, left us to clean up _your_ mess, and forced us to kill everyone in the mountain."

Clarke shifted a little, pulling her shoulders up and tilting her head, her body language trying to convey that she wasn't afraid of Octavia despite definitely being afraid of Octavia. "And now every grounder respects and fears you, don't they? So shouldn't you be thanking me for forcing your hand, _Wanheda_?" she said in a sardonic whisper.

Octavia faltered for only a moment, but it was long enough for Clarke to swing her hands just slightly beyond the reach of the bonds, her wrists popping painfully as she yanked Octavia's dangling braid hard on her way to grab the knife from her thigh. She lifted her leg quickly at the same time, effectively flipping Octavia to the ground while still holding her hair, slamming her to the ground on a pile of thick branches and knocking the wind out of her.

Clarke quickly worked the knife into the rope around her, slicing through the bindings as vigorously as she could, knowing it wouldn't take long for Octavia to recover. She'd only gotten through two rope loops when she felt Octavia's powerful fist connecting with her cheek like a brick. The force of it propelled Clarke's other cheek into the bark of the tree she was tied to. Octavia reared back again instinctively, but caught herself, slowly rising to her full height in front of Clarke, who was now bleeding from several spots on her face and glaring at her.

Octavia casually wiped the blood from her own mouth and the corner of her eye where she'd hit the ground and smiled darkly. "Nice try, Skygirl, but _Heda_ wants you alive, and that's how she'll get you. She'd prefer if you were unharmed, but trust me, that part is _not_ a deal-breaker." Octavia kicked her hip just hard enough to hurt but not to inhibit her ability to walk, enjoying the clipped cry of pain Clarke let out. "I might be the Commander of Death, but you're the bringer of it, _Princess._ "

She gave Clarke another swift kick, more out of annoyance than anything else, and pulled the bonds on her wrists tighter once more to ensure she wasn't going anywhere. She spat the blood in her mouth right into Clarke's face, muttering, " _Nomonjoka_ ," as she headed through the trees to the creek running just a few dozen yards away.

Octavia crouched beside the clear stream and removed her bracers, splashing the cold water on her face a few times and cleaning her hands, trying to ignore the fact that they trembled slightly as she scrubbed Clarke's blood off her knuckles. She shut her eyes tightly for a moment, gathering herself and letting a slow breath out before spitting another mouthful of her own blood into the water.

* * *

 

Octavia never opened her eyes when she was in the Hole.

If she had, she wouldn't have seen anything, anyway; but with her eyes closed, she could pretend she was somewhere else. In bed, maybe, cuddled up against her mom or Bellamy, feeling safe and warm and like she could be any other little girl growing up in space.

She'd never _seen_ space, of course. She'd never seen anything but metal walls and the infinite darkness of the Hole.

Bellamy tried to make it seem less awful, and she loved him for it. He called it practicing for the invasion of Troy. Said someday Octavia would emerge from the Hole like a warrior inside the Trojan horse and change everything. It was a nice thought—all of the stories he told her were nice thoughts—but Octavia had known they would never come true; that she would have to live under the floor her whole life.

As she grew older and taller, the Hole became more and more of a source of dread for her.

Fifteen years old and she lay beneath their feet, curled into a ball with her head tucked down to her chest to make herself fit. She'd stopped thinking of it as the Hole the day she could no longer lay stretched out in it and begun thinking of it as her coffin instead. That was the same moment she realized that even her dead body would get her mother floated, and so the girl who lived under the floor would one day become the girl who died under the floor and then, finally, the girl whose grave was under the floor.

Octavia would never have a friend, never go on a date, never see the stars or the Earth. She would certainly never travel the way her namesake had done as a child. She'd considered it a lot, and she felt that her name should have been Danae, who also spent much of her life locked in a metal room. But then, Danae got a happy ending, too, and that was the one thing she felt certain about: there would _never_ be a happy ending for her.

Sometimes, on her worst days, she would lower herself into the Hole when Bellamy and her mom were at work. She would close the hatch and force her eyes to stay open as she punched the inside of her cage more and more furiously. She relished the feeling of the blood droplets that landed on her face as she broke the skin on her knuckles against the floor that held her prisoner. With each hit, her skin grew tougher, her muscles grew stronger, and her mind grew darker.

This was truth, and because it was truth, Octavia, the girl who feared the floor, feared the dark, would have to die. She was far too weak to survive here, with her stupid mythology and games and stories, and her fantasies about ever living anywhere but inside this cold metal box, alone. No, Octavia would have to die and take her fairy tales with her to make room for the monster growing inside.

Little girls who lived under the floor didn't get happy endings; but monsters didn't _need_ them.

* * *

 

"Commanders don't get happy endings either," Lexa spoke from the dais she was reclined on, still in her sleeping gown and sipping honeyed dandelion tea.

Octavia's fingers deftly wound through her hair as she parted, braided, and tied the long curls into place. "I wouldn't think so. I mean, it's not like you get to _set daun gon bilaik Heda_ when you get old or something."

Lexa smiled sadly as she finished off her tea and set the tin cup aside. "It would be nice if I could, though."

Octavia carefully tied off the last braid, guiding it over Lexa's shoulder and patting her back lightly. " _Oso ste odon, Leksa_."

" _Mochof, strisis_." Lexa stood slowly and inspected her hair in the mirror. Octavia went to the closet and retrieved Lexa's armor and coat while the Commander changed out of her nightgown, taking care not to displace any of Octavia's careful work on her head.

"Mantle or pauldrons?" Octavia asked curiously as she laid out the armor pieces anatomically at the foot of the bed.

"Mantle, _beja_. I have a meeting with the ambassadors from _Trishanakru_ and _Louwada Kliron Kru_."

" _Azgeda gapa-skrish_ again?" Octavia made a face when Lexa nodded. "Of course it's _Azgeda_ , that was a dumb question." She laid the mantle out carefully beside the coat, thinking about the lack of options in the life of a Commander, and really the life of any _natblida_. "Have any other Commanders ever had partners?"

"Bed partners, yes. Everyone has physical needs, of course. But lovers? Only one I am aware of. Two Commanders ago, _Heda_ Zynbel _kom Boudalankru_ brought Dillion _kom Podakru_ , the boy he had sworn fealty to, with him to Polis when he ascended."

Lexa, now dressed, came to the bed, her back to Octavia as she stretched her arms out to the sides so she could put her duster on. "What happened to them?"

Lexa bit her lip, experiencing the painful memory in her head and feeling Zynbel's heart breaking all over again. "At the time, _Podakru_ and _Sangedakru_ were at war over resources, mostly water. _Sangedakru_ captured Dillion so _Heda_ would order _Podakru_ to provide _Sangedakru_ with half of their water without trade."

Octavia carefully buckled the series of belted armor around Lexa's waist. "And when it didn't work, they killed Dillion?"

Lexa was silent for a moment, watching Octavia adjust the straps. "No, it worked. Zynbel issued the order and was killed by a _Sangedakru_ assassin the same day, and Dillion drowned himself when he received the news."

Octavia paused, meeting Lexa's pained gaze, her voice very quiet. "I'm sorry."

Lexa shrugged a little as Octavia tightened the last strap and retrieved her chest armor. "This is why Titus is angry about my fee--" She cleared her throat a little. "About Clarke."

"He thinks she'll get you killed, too." Octavia stated quietly. Lexa gave one of her signature tight nods, studiously avoiding her gaze, her cheeks flushed a little. "You still have feelings for her." That was also a statement, and Octavia didn't need to see Lexa's nod this time. "There's nothing wrong with that, you know."

Lexa's eyes shifted sideways as she tilted her head so Octavia could work the closures. "After what she did, all thirteen clans will want to see her die at my hand. They will never accept her. They would kill her and then me."

"They won't accept her as your partner, no." Octavia brushed her hair out of the way to attach the other side. "As your prisoner, though? Under _jus nou drein jus daun_?"

Lexa turned to face her quickly, searching her face curiously. "Are you suggesting—"

Octavia shrugged as she connected the last strap and grabbed the Mantle of the Commander. "As far as anyone outside would know, you _sen em op gon taingeda_. The rest is nobody's business."

As she clipped the Mantle into place and straightened her hair out once more, a small smile began to spread across Lexa's cheeks as she felt a tiny pang of hope in her chest for the first time since the Mountain War.

" _Yu laik pri bos_ for a girl who grew up in a box, Octavia."

Octavia smiled and gently tugged a braid over Lexa's shoulder as a final touch.

"So are you, _Heda_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIG TRANSLATIONS (order of appearance)  
> \- gathered from the show, David J. Peterson's blog, and trigedasleng.net. Any errors in spelling, grammar, or structure are entirely mine. 
> 
> Nomonjoka - motherfucker  
> set daun gon bilaik Heda - quit being commander  
> Oso ste odon - we're all done  
> Mochof, strisis - thank you, little sister  
>  jus nou drein jus daun - blood must not have blood  
> sen em op gon taingeda - put her in jail/lockup  
> Yu laik pri bos - you're pretty great


	5. All Falls Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia delivers Clarke, who is pretty unhappy about Lexa's plan to keep her prisoner, to Polis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Sorry this took a couple days to post up! Hopefully the length and smut present gets me off the hook for that.  
> \- Trig translations at the end as usual

> _What's the trick? I wish I knew_
> 
> _I'm so done with thinking through all the things I could've been_
> 
> _And I know you want me, too_
> 
> _All it takes is that one look at you and I run right back to you_
> 
> _You cross that line and it's time to say F you_
> 
> _What's the point in saying that when you know how I'll react?_
> 
> _You think you can just take it back, but shit just don't work like that_
> 
> _You're the drug that I'm addicted to, and I want you so bad_
> 
> _Guess I'm stuck with you, and that's that_
> 
> \- Alan Walker & Noah Cyrus, 'All Falls Down'

 

 

Clarke huffed as she was pushed down onto her knees before Octavia removed the burlap bag that had hidden her identity from the populace as she'd been marched through the streets of Polis. She set her jaw when Octavia's now-bruised face came into view and tightened it when after a moment, Lexa's face was visible through the bright sunlight pouring in behind her.

Clarke couldn't help it; her heart jumped just a little when she saw that strong jawline, the bright mossy eyes, the slight purse of her lips. She hated herself for it, but Lexa was so beautiful that Clarke almost felt it would be an honor to be killed by her.

Lexa, to her credit, kept her facial expression unreadable as she took in their matching bruises and cuts and then looked behind them to her sentries. "Leave us."

Once the door closed behind the guards, Lexa nodded a little at Octavia, who pulled her knife out. Clarke flinched reflexively, but Octavia merely bent over and sliced through her bindings as Lexa pulled the gag from her mouth.

Clarke's eyes darted back and forth between them, deeply disoriented. Lexa put her hand out and Clarke took it suspiciously and stood, her eyes narrowing.

"What.. the hell is this?"

Octavia lifted herself to sit on a marbled table, her legs swinging off the ground as Lexa untied the gag from around Clarke's neck and tossed it aside.

"Sorry for the, yunno," Octavia gestured at their faces. "We had a tail from the time we left the trading post, and she tried to escape."

Lexa clicked her tongue, looking concerned. "Where is the tail now?"

"Disappeared just before we reached Polis. It's a chick, the footprints were small. That's all I know. She kept her distance."

Lexa paced, her duster sweeping the floor behind her, "But you think she's _Azgeda._ "

"Probably. I put on a show, gave away nothing, but.. Could still be a problem."

Lexa waved her hand a little dismissively. " _Azgeda_ is always a problem. We'll deal with them when we must."

Clarke just stood in the middle of the throne room, blue eyes tracking back and forth between Lexa and Octavia almost comically fast as she grew more and more confused before finally snapping, "Excuse me, but what the fuck?"

Lexa nodded at Octavia once more and she dropped off the edge of the table and paused near Clarke. "Sorry for mangling your face, but you did get mine first, Princess."

Clarke felt like she was losing her mind when Octavia made a familiar obscene gesture at Lexa, and Lexa made it right back, smiling as Octavia closed the massive doors behind her, her silhouette standing post in the hallway. Clarke rubbed her face as she tried to reconcile what had just happened with reality as she knew it, forgetting about the gouge on her temple from the tree. She winced, hissing a little when she hit it.

Lexa bit her lower lip and gestured at the dais. "Sit. Let me clean it."

Too exhausted and confused to generate a verbal response, much less a physical one, Clarke shuffled over and dropped down onto it silently.

Lexa shed her mantle and jacket before joining her on the dais with a bowl of water and a small pile of rags. She stayed quiet as she began cleaning Clarke's face gently and Clarke, who had been craving her contact for months, closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the tender touch.

Lexa continued, speaking quietly. "Our people are angry about the mountain, Clarke. They don't understand what you and I do—that a leader must make choices like this. All they see is that the mountain would have kept all forty-seven of our people and continued bleeding them; that they would die while the _maunon_ waited for enough _Skaikru_ marrow for the whole population. And all _Skaikru_ sees is that they would have been forced to undergo the procedure whether they wanted to or not."

Clarke opened her eyes, searching hers quietly. "What do you see?"

Lexa shrugged, returning the rag to the bowl and wringing it out. "You did what you thought was best for your people. The same choice I would have made, had they offered it to me." The wound dealt with, she began cleaning the rest of Clarke's face and neck gently. "You made a bad situation worse and shattered the fragile peace between us and _Skaikru_. You're also as responsible for the deaths on the mountain as we are." She paused, lowering the rag a little and looking into her eyes, her voice quiet. "And you hurt me, _Klarke_."

Clarke looked down at her lap, picking at some of the dirt under her fingernails. "I didn't want to. You believe that, don't you?"

"Yes." Lexa picked up the rag and continued cleaning her up. "But you did."

Her voice was quiet when she responded. "I'm sorry, Lexa."

Her lips pursed again. "I'm sorry too, Clarke."

Clarke's brows furrowed a little. "What are you sorry about?"

Having cleaned her as much as possible without a proper bath, Lexa set the bowl aside and stayed quiet for a moment, taking a breath and steeling herself.

"As I said, the 13 clans are still angry. You're only alive because I issued a kill order on anyone who harmed you. I can't exactly just let you go, you'll be killed. And I can't exactly have you stay in Polis as a guest while things are still so volatile. We'll both be killed."

Clarke's face began to darken with suspicion, and she spoke slowly and carefully. "So what is it you're planning to do with me, _exactly_ , Commander?"

Lexa bit her lip. "For the time being, you will stay here, in Polis Tower. As a prisoner."

Clarke's eyebrows went up and she stood quickly, her voice low but firm. "Like hell I will."

"I'm sorry, Clarke. You don't have a choice in the matter, and I've made my choice already."

Clarke crossed her arms, glowering and staring her down, every muscle in her body tensing and readying for a fight. "You're not gonna keep me locked up in a cage, Lexa. I won't let you. If I'm such a prized target, then make your people happy. Kill me."

Lexa's eyes were flashing as she stood, her voice laced with tension. "I can't do that."

"Why not?" Clarke snapped, leaning into her a little. "Is _Azgeda_ right about you? Are you too weak, _Heda_? Why don't you call Octavia back in, I'm sure _Wanheda_ would be more than happy to do your dirty work for you since you guys are such buddies now." Clarke's face moved even closer to Lexa's, her eyes narrowed and angry and a clipped tone to her voice when she spoke again that she'd meant to sound dismissive but came out thick with jealousy instead. "What, did you screw her, too, Lexa?"

Before she even realized what she was doing, the flat of Lexa's hand connected with Clarke's cheek, stunning both of them. Clarke's hand immediately went to her own cheek, looking at Lexa in disbelief. Lexa just stood there, pale as a ghost, her jaw trembling a little. " _Jok_ , I'm sor—"

She didn't get an opportunity to finish that thought before Clarke grabbed her roughly and pressed her lips to hers. Lexa gasped and immediately kissed her back, parting her lips and welcoming Clarke's tongue between them. Not breaking contact for a moment, they walked back until the backs of Lexa's knees met the dais. Lexa looped her arms around her neck as she sat, pulling Clarke with her.

Clarke straddled her lap and grabbed at the line of buttons on her pants, unceremoniously yanking them open one after another. Lexa slid her hands down Clarke's heated body towards her hips and Clarke broke the kiss, kneeling up higher and putting her hand on the Commander's chest. She leaned back, pushing Lexa's upper body against the back of the dais and holding her there.

Lexa looked at her with heavily dilated pupils, her breathing labored. Clarke's hand slid between her thighs, rubbing against her through her pants and Lexa moaned deeply, lifting her hips to push back. Still holding her down, Clarke shifted one leg between hers, grinding herself on her thigh and pressing the already-damp seam of Lexa's pants into her sex.

Lexa's eyelids fluttered, her head tilting back and a breathy, " _Klarke,_ " escaping her lips with the pronounced click that drove her crazy.

Clarke slid her hand inside her opened pants, running her fingers over her parted folds, moaning low in the back of her throat as Lexa's wetness quickly coated her fingers. Lexa let her head hang over the back of the dais, trying to thrust her hips onto the fingers she craved, but Clarke kept them just out of reach, lightly teasing them over her swollen sex and clit.

Lexa writhed beneath her, her hands going to Clarke's hips and raising her thigh more firmly against Clarke's center, drawing another, louder moan from her. Clarke circled her fingertips around her entrance before easily sliding two inside her. Lexa gasped her name again, arching back and digging her nails into Clarke's ass, pulling her harder against her leg.

Clarke's eyes closed briefly and she shuddered as she rode Lexa's thigh, pressing her fingers deeper into her and curling them against her grasping walls. Lexa cried out beneath Clarke as she came quickly, shuddering and throwing her head back against the dais.

Clarke slowed her grinding to watch her come down from her crisis, cheeks flushed and chest heaving. She leaned in and let her lips and teeth mark a path to Lexa's ear, her tongue tracing her earlobe for a moment before whispering, "God, Lexa.. I barely touched you."

Lexa panted, her cheeks quickly turning red. "Sorry. I, uh.."

"Don't apologize." Clarke ran her tongue over the hollow between her neck and shoulder, starting to rub herself against Lexa's thigh again. "That was so fucking hot." She slid her fingers free, drawing a soft moan from Lexa as she brought them to her own lips, running her tongue over them deliberately.

When she'd licked every drop of Lexa from her fingers, she set that hand on her chest as well, pushing her more firmly against the dais and spreading her own legs wider over her lap. Lexa pushed her pants down her hips as far as she could and slid her hands up the insides of her thighs.

Clarke ducked her head down to kiss her again, her nails scratching across her collarbones as she mumbled into her lips. "Fuck me, Lexa.. I wanna feel you inside me, your fingers, your tongue, I wa—" her words quickly turned into a loud moan when Lexa entered her in one fluid motion.

Clarke moved one hand to the back of the dais and slid the other over Lexa's wrist, lifting herself up and back down, pushing Lexa's fingers deeper inside herself. Lexa squeezed her thighs together as her arousal built up again quickly, the sight of Clarke using her hand like it was a toy making her practically shake with need.

Lexa watched through heavily lidded eyes as Clarke fucked herself on her hand and distractedly slid her free hand down her abdomen, rubbing herself lightly.

"More, I need more," Clarke moaned as she rode Lexa's hand shamelessly, gasping when she folded a third finger into her clenching heat and brushed her thumb lightly over her clit. "God, you feel amazing." Clarke steadily built up a rhythm again on her fingers, tilting her head down for a kiss, but pausing when she saw what Lexa was doing.

Clarke sighed her name breathlessly as she watched Lexa touching herself, slowing her hip movements. "Spread your legs more."

Lexa slid down a little, spreading her knees as far as the pants still around her legs would allow. Clarke shifted herself slightly for a better view, her voice husky with arousal and punctuated with soft moans as she continued fucking herself with Lexa's hand. "Inside, go ins—fuck—inside.."

Lexa obediently slid two fingers inside herself as well, pumping them in time with Clarke's rhythm, which had begun speeding up again. "Fuck, Lexa. I'm—I'm almost—"

Three rapid knocks sounded on the door just then, and a look of panic swept over Lexa's face as she quickly pulled her hand from between her thighs. " _Jok_ , that's Octavia's signal, someone's coming."

A shudder passed through Clarke as she tightened her grip on her wrist and mumbled with labored breath, "Yeah, me in a second, so don't you dare fucking stop. Or say her name when you're _inside_ me again, ever."

Lexa looked at her pleadingly as a knock sounded followed by Titus's voice. " _Heda_?"

Clarke leaned forward and bit her neck lightly, then sucked at it, drawing a moan from her. "Get rid of him before I come."

Lexa did her best to keep her voice steady. " _Ste au_! Can—ugh—can it wait?"

"I am afraid not, _Heda_. May I come in? We must speak immediately."

A beat as Clarke thrust her hips and released her wrist, reaching between them to rub Lexa's clit instead with a devilish smile. Lexa threw her free arm across her mouth, biting into it to muffle her gasp.

" _Heda_?"

Lexa glared at Clarke, who was still fucking against her hand and circling her clit unapologetically. "I am fine, Titus. I am just— _jok_ —busy." Clarke swept her finger directly over her clit, causing Lexa to arch hard and moan loudly.

The embarrassment was clear in TItus' voice. "I apologize, _Heda_. I did not realize you were—ah, I will.. Wait until I am sent for."

" _Bos-leidon-Titus_ ," Lexa cried out as one word, shaking with Clarke's fingers working her sensitive clit and bringing her to the edge again quickly. Lexa came harder than before, crying Clarke's name into her arm and shuddering hard. Clarke kept rolling her hips, still riding her as she watched her face clenching up in pleasure and then slowly relaxing.

Lexa panted her name with every breath as she came down, gently pushing Clarke's hand away from her overstimulated sex while rubbing tight circles over Clarke's eager clit. "I wish I could taste you, _Klarke._ " Her voice was tired, strained, but it set Clarke off all the same, and she quickly pressed her lips to Lexa's, crying into her mouth as she came, her body tensing and jerking against hers.

Clarke let go of her hand and lowered herself to rest against her for a few minutes, their eyes closed and breathing labored. Lexa quietly wrapped her arms around her, needing her close.

She wished she could stop time right then; just the two of them, like this. She wanted to curl up with Clarke and go to sleep, and she wanted Titus and whatever new problem he'd brought her to just go away. She wanted the clans to solve their own problems once in awhile and for _Skaikru_ and _Azgeda_ to stop antagonizing each other, and part of her even wanted the world to just disappear so she and Clarke didn't have to worry about their people anymore.

In that moment she felt like a small, fragile girl that might shatter any second; yet with Clarke there, she felt safe enough _to_ shatter.

"What happens if I let you put me in a cage?" Clarke's voice was surprisingly small and sounded like she might shatter, too.

Lexa closed her eyes briefly, enjoying the weight of Clarke's body on hers. "It would be a room much like this. You just.. Couldn't leave it."

Clarke shifted a little so she could rest her head on her shoulder. "But you could come in. Whenever you wanted." Lexa nodded, and Clarke ran her fingertips idly back and forth over her collarbone. "And we could do this?" Another nod.

Clarke didn't say anything else for a minute and Lexa stayed quiet as well, letting her mull it over for a bit. The agreement, when it came, was laced with fear and nervousness and a very clear reluctance. It broke Lexa's heart as she held onto Clarke with every bit of strength she had. 

She kept reminding herself that it was only temporary, it was just to give the clans a little time to move on from what had happened on the mountain; that it wouldn't be long until she and Clarke could live as partners. She kept reminding herself this was just another sacrifice they had to make for their people.

She kept reminding herself that she was _Heda_ , because being there with Clarke's half naked body pressed against hers like a blanket, both of them sated and sleepy and safe, she only felt like _Leksa_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIG:  
> Ste au - stay out  
> Bos-leidon-Titus - a run-on of "great goodbye titus"


	6. Tempo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is permanently thirsty, Lexa is tired of Azgeda and Titus, and Octavia is a ~~bad~~ great influence on the Commander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear there was gonna be more plot here, but Clarke is just so thirsty like, all the time.  
> Trig translations at the end.

> _When I get chills at night_
> 
> _I feel it deep inside without you_
> 
> _Know how to satisfy_
> 
> _Keeping that tempo right without you_
> 
> _Pictures in my mind on replay_
> 
> _I_ _’m gonna touch the pain away_
> 
> \- Hailee Steinfeld, 'Love Myself'

 

Clarke stood near the barred window, watching as the sun began to set on her first day as a prisoner. She supposed it could be worse; she'd gotten a bath for the first time in god knows how long, she was clothed in clean, lightweight clothes that smelled like Lexa, and she certainly couldn't complain about the view. Still, despite all of that, she _was_ a prisoner. The heavy oak doors behind her were a constant reminder that they would never open on her command. It was a very small comfort that this cell was significantly more comfortable than her last one.

It was strange, though. Somehow she felt more free at that moment than she had for the entire time she'd been roaming the wilds of _trigeda_. Sleeping under the stars she'd been born amongst, but there was no comfort left in them anymore. Now all she saw in the night sky were the faces of her ghosts.

Clarke picked up a slice of pinkfruit from her dinner tray and held it between her lips, sucking the juices from its sweet pulp, wondering if it was merely a coincidence that she would be served her favorite earth-fruit on her first full day as a prisoner, or if Lexa remembered their pillow talk in the tent with as much clarity as she herself did and had specifically requested it for her. She decided to let herself believe it was Lexa's doing; her way of apologizing for the situation. It was a little ironic, she thought, because the only one she'd _directly_ betrayed had been Lexa—and yet Lexa was the one person willing to forgive her.

Despite the fact that Octavia had been putting on a show with her abuses of Clarke, and that her emotional and physical proximity to Lexa had grown enough to prevent any sort of vengeance on O's part, it was pretty clear she hadn't forgiven Clarke either. It had been far too obvious that she'd relished decking Clarke, like she'd been waiting for that moment for months—because she probably had been.

 

_Probably because you made her commit genocide, Griff_ , came the voice in the back of her head. _How long would it take **you** to forgive someone who forced your hand like that?_

 

Clarke shook her head a little, trying to snap out of it as she dropped the pinkfruit rind back on her tray and grabbed another, leaning against the bars to watch the brilliant explosion of colors that accompanied the sun setting over Polis. It was truly a sight to behold, and not for the first time, Clarke wished she could paint it. However, her motives for watching it included an ulterior one in addition to appreciation and inspiration.

Lexa had said she would come after sunset.

Clarke, of course, had replied firmly, "So will I," with a quirk of her eyebrow that had made Lexa tremble just slightly—which had ultimately been her goal in that moment. She relished the thought of Lexa sitting on her throne, surrounded by cranky ambassadors bitching about _Azgeda_ and _Skaikru_ , and thinking about what awaited her later on rather than her more immediate duties as _Heda_. Maybe she'd even be distracted enough that she'd shift in her chair, and it wouldn't register on anyone else's radar, but Lexa would be pressing her thighs together as she thought about Clarke's head between them.

Clarke really had to cling to whatever small amount of power she could, or risk going crazy in her cage. The natural urge to lead, to _command_ , was built into her. Lexa had been right when she said Clarke had been born for it as she had. It was practically a compulsion to reach out into the atmosphere and try to fix everyone else's problems for them; Clarke was only now beginning to realize what an idiotic goal that was.

She wasn't one of the ancient gods from one of Bellamy's books, she wasn't a politician, and she certainly wasn't the Chancellor or Commander. She was no one—just a girl. An unhappy girl who had lost so much—her father, her home, her friends, her people, and now her freedom. And then somewhere along the way she had lost herself, too, and become just another animal trying to survive.

 

 

_"Maybe life should be about more than just surviving. Don't we deserve better than that?"_

_Lexa gazed intently at her from beneath hooded eyelids, her voice surprisingly soft when she responded, "Maybe we do."_

_Clarke was barely able to take a breath before Lexa's lips pressed against hers, gentle but firm, her hand finding its way to cup her jaw beneath her hair with an unexpected reverence. Clarke responded without hesitation, deepening the kiss and gently sucking Lexa's lower lip between her own._

 

 

Clarke closed her eyes briefly and discarded the pinkfruit rind next to the other, turning away from the darkening window as her thoughts, her memories, her regrets, and her pain all started piling up again. She'd thought back then that she could love Lexa the moment her heart was ready to; a moment that had quietly creeped up on her sometime long before today. It was the day she realized she'd gone nearly a week without even thinking about Finn; without him haunting her dreams or thoughts.

Now she thought perhaps she felt that way already, because she was being held captive like a mischievous pet who would destroy the furniture without supervision and still somehow all she thought about for most of the day had been whether the footsteps in the hallway were Lexa's and how many times she would press her face between her muscular thighs that night. What she would do to coax a total loss of control from the Commander's shuddering body over and over again until she was a soaked, writhing, mindless mess beneath her.

Had the sun set this slowly at Camp Jaha or deep in _trigeda_ all these months? Clarke didn't think so; Polis' proximity to the sky was surely messing with her mind.

 

_Yeah, or it's Lexa's proximity to you, branwoda._

 

There was more between her and Lexa than craving and need; that much had been true from the first time Clarke had looked into those brilliant green eyes, full of suspicion and admiration and, yes, even then, lust. The casual way she'd played with her knife, the warpaint that made her darkening irises stand out as she shamelessly looked Clarke up and down. Clarke had done her best to ignore the immediate discomfort in her jeans, embarrassed that she could even be thinking about such a thing at that moment and even more embarrassed that Lexa seemed to be quite aware of the effect she was having on Clarke's pants.

And then, there was that night in the tent; the one comforting thought she'd had while on the run. Curled up in the hollow of a partially uprooted tree during a particularly cold night she'd spent adjacent to the northern territory, she'd remembered that night frame-by-frame as she slid her hand beneath her waistband and over her rapidly-heating sex. She'd rationalized to herself that increasing her blood pressure was the difference between freezing and being warm without a fire that might attract _Azgeda_ scouts.

Of course, it had been an exercise in futility, given that she couldn't fool her own mind when it knew damn well that her frantic rubbing was because the mere thought of Lexa was enough to instantly turn the area between her thighs into a hot, sticky, pulsing mess. She also couldn't use it as an excuse for almost every other night she'd spent laying on the ground near a campfire, fucking herself to the images in her mind of Lexa until she'd cried her name into the  abyss of the night.

She'd given up trying to convince herself that she was over whatever it was that fanned her need for the Commander somewhere between the first and seventh times she'd found herself jerking beneath Niylah's rough but skilled touch and screaming Lexa's name. Nails biting into her thighs, grabbing her ass and flipping her roughly over on the bed. She'd had to settle for the fantasy of an angry Lexa punishing her for her transgressions behind the blindfold. Niylah had initially tried to be soft for Clarke, but it just wasn't in her, which is why more often than not Clarke opted to simply take care of her needs herself.

It was less complicated, too. She didn't have to feel guilty about abandoning her own hands before sunrise.

She'd teased Lexa the previous night about how little it had taken to get her off mostly because Clarke had spent the previous months making herself come within minutes of picturing Lexa naked and spread open for her on the table or beneath her spread legs as Clarke rode her tongue shamelessly.

She'd pictured a lot of other things, too. Lexa on all fours in front of her, her tight ass raised and pressing back against her. Lexa spread above her, her tongue buried deep inside her as she begged for more. Lexa tied to the bed; naked, spread-eagle and soaking, completely at the mercy of Clarke's fingers and tongue. She imagined a hundred ways to fuck her, a hundred positions to take her in, and a hundred pitches for Lexa to scream her name in.

Clarke couldn't deny she was madly in love with Lexa's body, with the way she responded to her; that she loved the soft, vulnerable mess that writhed beneath her as _Heda_ shattered and became Lexa. But part of her heart was locked off, keeping her from letting Lexa fully inside. How could she love someone who kept her in a cage, regardless of reason?

Temporarily, Lexa had said, but how long was that? How long would it be before the tensions among and between the clans no longer included Clarke in them? It could be weeks, or months, or longer.

And in the meantime, what if Lexa were—it hurt to think—killed? What if the next Commander rejected Lexa's _jus nou drein jus daun_ decree? Clarke might find herself in Polis for the rest of her life as a real prisoner. Without Lexa's promised evening visits to fuck and be fucked senseless, Clarke was just an animal who stupidly volunteered to live in a cage.

Clarke felt her anxiety filling up her throat as it had frequently since Octavia had grabbed her outside of the trading post. Just as she was getting overwhelmed with a need to run, or scream, or smash something, she heard Lexa's voice echoing down the hallway.

"—the least of what I would like to tell Nia to do with herself."

"I understand this, _Heda_ , but perhaps she is not entirely wrong. Why keep the traitor alive? To what end? It is a simple way to ensure _Azgeda_ 's future commitment to the coalition."

Clarke was fairly positive that she was the traitor and that Nia was calling for her head. Almost as positive as she was that the tightening in Lexa's voice meant the Commander was struggling against the natural urge to clock Titus—a struggle Clarke really hoped she could one day witness _Heda_ losing.

The volume of Lexa's voice rose significantly despite the sound of her boots on the floor stopping. "Or I can continue to ensure _Azgeda_ 's future commitment to the coalition by reminding them that I'm their Commander, and that the armies of the other twelve clans would happily spill the blood of every _Azgeda_ warrior on my order."

" _Heda_! Nia will never stand for these threats." Titus sounded scandalized, and Clarke quickly put her hand over her mouth to muffle her impending snort.

Then she actually had to bite into her arm to keep quiet when Lexa responded, " _Titus_!" in the same scandalized tone. "Nia is my subject. They're all my subjects. They _will_ stand for what I tell them to stand for, and so will you." Clarke could practically hear the deceptively sweet look on Lexa's face, the accompanying challenge in her voice, as she added, "Would you defy me, _Fleimkepa_?"

"No. No, of course not, _Heda_."

"Good. Then you will go to the _Azgeda_ ambassador now, and tell him that Heda has ordered a blockade on the northern border until _Azgeda_ retreats. If they set one more foot into _Skaikru_ or _Trikru_ territory, I will declare Nia and all who do not defect enemies of the Coalition of the Commander." Titus mumbled a few more platitudes before his footsteps began to retreat.

"Oh, and, Titus?" His footsteps stopped. "Please make it very clear that if Nia forces my hand, I will take her head and use it to decorate my throne. In those words, please."

"Yes, _Heda_."

Titus' footsteps picked up again and were nearly out of earshot before Lexa ordered the doors opened. Clarke was sitting on the bed looking very amused.

"I see Octavia's been quite the influence on you, _Heda_." Clarke gave her title the same tone Titus had and was rewarded with one of Lexa's rare smiles—the genuine one that filled her eyes and somehow made even her eyebrows softer.

"Perhaps."

Clarke smirked lightly. "I'm guessing the thing about the throne was a direct quote."

Lexa shrugged a little. "Octavia has a way with words." She folded her arms a little unsurely, glancing around the room, her eyes falling on the mostly-untouched food tray. "Ryder said you barely touched any of the meal trays today. Was something wrong with them?"

She looked genuinely concerned, but Clarke wasn't quite to the point of acceptance to comfort Lexa about holding her captive yet. "Just not used to eating off trays, I guess. It's been awhile since I was locked up on the Ark."

Lexa's eyes flickered just slightly with sadness, and Clarke almost felt bad that her words might have stung. Almost.

"In the future, I can arrange to have whatever you would like to eat brought up to you," Lexa said, but it sounded more like she was saying, _"I'm sorry it has to be this way."_

Clarke sat up a little straighter on the edge of the bed, her entire demeanor changing and her voice growing husky when she replied. "The only thing I feel like eating right now is already here."

That was all it took for the mask of the Commander to fall away and reveal the nervous, blushing Lexa that Clarke so craved who hid behind it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIG TRANSLATIONS (order of appearance)  
> \- gathered from the show, David J. Peterson's blog, and trigedasleng.net. Any errors in spelling, grammar, or structure are entirely mine.   
> Trigeda - forest  
> Branwoda - fool


	7. Gentle Sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa tries to be what she thinks Clarke needs, but Clarke sets her straight. Well, so to speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, there are no Trig translations for this chapter.   
> No, seriously. None at all. Enjoy your monolingual angsty smutfluff. Happy Sunday!

> _My lover's got humor, she's the giggle at a funeral_
> 
> _Knows everybody's disapproval - I should've worshiped her sooner_
> 
> _If the Heavens ever did speak, she is the last true mouthpiece_
> 
> _Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies_
> 
> _I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife_
> 
> _Offer me that deathless death_
> 
> _Good God, let me give you my life_
> 
> _No masters or kings when the ritual begins_
> 
> _There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin_
> 
> _In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene_
> 
> _Only then I am human, only then I am clean_
> 
> \- Hozier, 'Take Me to Church'

 

Lexa had been in a state of mild discomfort for most of the day by the time she'd finished arguing with Titus; an event approaching a frequency that could practically be scheduled into her day. She'd had a difficult time putting Clarke out of her mind, knowing she was just a few steps away, simultaneously worried about how she was coping with being locked up and eager to spend the night making the whole 'coming after sunrise' bit a reality. As a result, Lexa had gotten to the point of being vaguely concerned about leaving a damp spot on the throne under her ass by the time the sun was lowering past the window.

She'd sat through several meetings with various ambassadors, nearly half a dozen criminal hearings, negotiated a trade agreement between _Podakru_ and _Skaikru_ , and authorized Titus to officially induct Gaia _kom Trikru_ into the Order of the Flame so she could begin training the _natblidas_ alongside him. Indra was, of course, not happy about it. Like so many parents, her desire had been for her child to follow in her footsteps. Lexa had felt mildly guilty due to her immense respect for Indra, but the larger part of her understood Gaia's need to make her own way in the world.

More and more often lately, Lexa had found herself wishing Titus would understand this as well. As aggravating as she found him, particularly when it came to matters involving Clarke, he had raised her. Lexa didn't remember her birth parents; warriors who had both died fighting with _Trikru_ in the Second Azgedan War and had their heads taken by Nia. Titus meant well—he always did—but she was not the small _natblida_ child staring wide-eyed at the world any longer.

She was _Heda_. The one person to whom Kings and War Chiefs and even the Sky People would bow. These were her lands, her fields, her city, and her people. A Commander was expected to give all of herself for all of her people, and Lexa felt she had done that her whole life and knew she would continue to do so with her last breath.

Was it truly as selfish as Titus would have her believe, to give a slightly larger part of herself to Clarke than she had to everyone else? Was she not entitled to divide her heart however she wanted, so long as she still gave all of it away?

These were the thoughts she shoved aside as Titus walked down the hall, glancing back only once to find her still staring him down. She waited until he'd rounded the corner before turning to the sentries posted at Clarke's door and nodded. Ryder and Cyrus obediently unlocked the doors and closed them behind her.

* * *

 

"The only thing I feel like eating right now is already here."

The look Clarke gave her created an intense shudder that zipped down her spine from her ears until it hit her core and she blushed, embarrassed that Clarke could turn her on so much, so quickly, with just words. Lexa tapped her fingertips on the tray, tilting her head a little. "I'm serious, Clarke. If you starve to death, all of this was for nothing." She paused. "And it will never change."

Clarke rolled her eyes, but her heart wasn't in it, and she knew Lexa could tell. "Okay, I surrender. I'll be a good girl and eat."

Lexa casually unclipped her mantle and set it on the table, her tone measured. "Being good is not a requirement." She looked back up at Clarke, her eyes glittering with mischief and lust. "I would not want there to be any misunderstandings about our terms."

Clarke's voice was thick and husky as her pupils dilated rapidly. "You're right. We definitely wouldn't want that.. _Heda_."

Lexa's jaw twitched ever so slightly as they held their gaze, each silently waiting for the other to make a move, the air in the room growing thick with tension and anticipation and a new feeling Lexa simply did not have a name for. She had expected Clarke to push her to the wall, to the bed, to her knees. It was Clarke's way; their way. But things felt different today, and her stomach felt as though it had filled with dozens of fluttering blue glowbugs when she realized what they were moving towards. She took a step closer to the bed and Clarke, who was searching her eyes unsurely.

"I—is this okay, Lexa?"

"Were you asking Lexa or _Heda_?" She ran her fingertips nonchalantly over the buckle of her coat, studying Clarke for any sign of hesitation or reluctance, but she found none.

Instead she watched as Clarke slid from the bed, carefully kneeling on the floor in front of her. Lexa instantly grew wetter than she'd thought possible as she looked down at the blonde head bowed down before her. "I meant _Heda,_ Commander."

"Then why did you not say _Heda_? Do you not respect your Commander?" Lexa paced a slow circle around Clarke, who kept her head lowered, as she spoke, trying to squash her nerves. "Do you need to be reminded who is in charge around here, princess?"

The nickname sent a shiver through Clarke that was obvious, the expanse of skin on her back rippling slightly as she twitched. "If it pleases you, _Heda_."

Lexa straightened her back and stood at attention, her arms linked behind her back. "Many things would please me, and you will do all of them. Undress me." Clarke started to push herself up, but was stopped immediately by Lexa's tone. "I did not tell you to get up. I told you to undress me."

Clarke swallowed hard, her breath coming a little faster as she moved forward on her knees until she was within reach. She reached up and unclipped her coat, her hands sliding down to fumble with the buckle of her belt as Lexa shrugged the coat to the floor, watching Clarke on her knees before her with heavy eyelids.

Clarke pulled her pants to her ankles and unzipped the backs of her boots. Lexa stepped to the side, freeing herself of both. "You may stand." Clarke obediently stood and began untying Lexa's shirt from around the back of her neck, her eyes still lowered to the floor.

After discarding the shirt, Lexa stood before her, trying to hide her nervousness, her hands still clasped behind her back and her firm breasts lifted by her posture, nipples standing out proudly. The only barrier left between them was a pair of soft white cotton underwear that were already transparent with her desire. Clarke reached for them but Lexa shook her head. "Undress yourself first."

Clarke stared unabashedly at the wet patch between her thighs as she disrobed, worrying her lip with her teeth in anticipation. While Lexa was enjoying watching her undress, she'd mostly given the order so she had a moment to steady herself. Her chest felt tight and anxious, which made no sense. She gave people orders all day long every day, and had since she was fourteen years old. Why then, was it proving so difficult to give Clarke orders? Especially given that it was for both their pleasure.

Her thoughts must have been plastered across her face, because after kicking her pants away, Clarke paused, her voice soft. "Lexa. We don't have to do this if you're not comfortable with it."

Lexa closed her eyes briefly, her fingers going to the bridge of her nose. "It is not discomfort, exactly. I am not sure what to call it."

Clarke reached out and took her hand, tugging her gently to the bed. They both sat on the edge of it, Lexa looking embarrassed and small as she folded her arms across her chest. Clarke pulled a particularly soft wolf pelt from the other side of the bed and wrapped it around Lexa's shoulders. She kept her eyes downcast, hoping Clarke wouldn't notice the tear forming and escaping down her cheek.

"Lexa, talk to me." Clarke's voice was nothing but concern and gentleness and for some reason, that made her feel even worse.

Lexa's shoulders were hunched and tense, her voice very quiet. "I ruined it."

"No."

"Clarke, I couldn't—"

"You didn't ruin anything. We didn't even.. It's not like we planned anything or even talked about it."

"But I wanted it. I wanted to give it to you," she replied earnestly, biting her lip when Clarke cupped her chin and lifted her face to look into her eyes.

"I don't want it just because you feel guilty about all this, Lexa. You said it wasn't my choice, but it was. If I tried to leave, you weren't gonna chain me to the wall and you know it. I don't need you to be _Heda_ unless you need to be."

Lexa let out a quiet huff, fingering the pelt, her voice soft when she finally spoke again. "Octavia heard you. At the trading post. The things you said.." She swallowed a little hard. "The things you asked for."

Clarke flushed, her ears and face heating up rapidly as she tried to jog her memory as to what, specifically, Octavia could have heard that night. "She _told_ you those things?"

Lexa shrugged from within the pelt that she was pulling increasingly tighter around herself. "Only because I ordered her to."

Clarke bit her lip, both hands tightly gripping the edge of the mattress they were seated on. "It was different. Niylah, she tried to be what I needed, but she couldn't." Now Clarke was looking away, twirling a stray bit of fur from the pelt between her fingertips. "So I took what I could get."

Lexa's voice was quiet when she responded. "You don't need me to be more, you know.." She gestured a little with her hands. "Commanding?"

"No." Clarke shook her head. "The only thing I need you to be is Lexa." When Lexa didn't respond or look up from her own lap, Clarke turned her body towards hers and lifted her chin again. "You're not a replacement for her, Lexa. She was a substitute for you."

Lexa felt the hot tears welling in her eyes, but she couldn't even bring herself to care, because Clarke's eyes were glassy as well when she searched them for reassurance. Clarke cupped the back of her head, her fingers tangling in her hair as she leaned in, kissing her softly and gently sucking her lower lip the way she had the first time they kissed.

Lexa sighed and rested her hand on Clarke's side, bumping her nose gently against hers, the tension in her shoulders slowly dissipating. After a moment, Lexa's mouth grew needy, searching hers for comfort, which Clarke provided immediately.

Slowly and guided by the movements of Lexa's tongue, the kiss intensified and her grip on the wolf pelt loosened. It slid off her delicate shoulders naturally and she broke the kiss, shifting back on the bed until she was resting back against the pillows. She bit her lower lip, watching Clarke's face as she deliberately ran her eyes over every inch of Lexa's blushing skin, her pupils dilating rapidly.

She looked like a jungle cat readying itself to pounce, and it caused Lexa's breath to hitch in her throat. She caught her gaze and gave her a short nod. She crawled over the bed and slid up Lexa's body, bracketing her hips with her own as she ducked her head down for another kiss.

Lexa drew her knees up around her, moaning against her lips. Clarke cupped her cheek as she gently broke the kiss, pressing her lips to her throat instead. Lexa tilted her chin up, making a sound in her throat that was almost a purr.

Clarke slowly made her way down her shoulders and across her chest, her tongue and lips forging a trail of kisses and gentle nips as she did. Lexa squirmed beneath her, both of her hands tangled in Clarke's hair, alternately stroking her head and gripping her hair any time her mouth discovered a particularly sensitive spot.

" _Klarke_ ," she breathed softly when Clarke reached her abdomen, her legs instinctively parting further for her.

Lexa's right hand dropped from Clarke's head and rested on the bed, her hand stretching ever so slightly upwards. Clarke's left hand immediately slid into it, their fingers wrapping around each others' until their palms were pressed tightly together. Lexa moaned once more as Clarke kissed and licked her way over the jut of her hipbone. She squeezed Lexa's hand reassuringly before running her tongue slowly over her with a soft sigh. Lexa's hips jerked towards her, her grip on her hand tightening when she did it again.

Clarke's tongue gently pressed between her folds, circling her entrance slowly, her free hand resting on her hip to steady its twitches. Lexa arched against the bed when she felt Clarke's skilled tongue enter her, her hand slipping a little on Clarke's back and leaving behind a series of scratches where she dug her nails in.

Clarke moaned against her, her lips brushing over her swollen clit briefly as her tongue sought to collect every drop of Lexa she could. She traced the dips and swells of Lexa's sex as if she was mapping it to commit to memory. Her tongue made its way slowly around her clit until Lexa's body started to tense, then quickly abandoned it in favor of searching out her clenching entrance again.

Lexa groaned at Clarke's denial, her hips thrusting towards her with need. Clarke continued licking her slowly, varying the path and pressure to keep Lexa writhing in a state of anticipation. She teased her tongue over her clit, drawing a frustrated whimper when she quickly retreated again. Lexa wrapped her legs around Clarke, rocking her hips in search of relief.

Clarke smiled at her desperation and turned her head, kissing her inner thigh before sucking a light bruise onto it, prompting Lexa to whine her name urgently. She wanted badly to push Lexa to the edge about a hundred more times just so she could experience every sound she had to offer, but after what happened earlier, she wanted to soothe and reassure her more.

Lexa spread her thighs as far as she could, her heels digging into Clarke's back harder when her tongue went back to work with more fervor than before. Lexa moaned deeply when she sucked her needy clit and worked her tongue against it firmly. Lexa's legs and fingers clamped down hard enough to leave marks on Clarke's back and hand when she came, shuddering and gasping her name. Clarke's tongue wound its way down to her fluttering entrance once more, seeking and enjoying every drop of Lexa's arousal as she came down from the high, still shaking.

Lexa's legs fell open on the bed, her muscles turned to jelly beneath Clarke. She moaned softly when Clarke ran the flat of her tongue over her sensitive folds, causing her hips to twitch in the aftershocks.

Clarke lifted her head before Lexa could become overstimulated, kissing her way up her body until her head was on the pillow beside hers, draped over Lexa like a blanket and still holding her hand. Lexa let out a soft breath and turned her face to kiss Clarke lightly.

Clarke moaned softly into the kiss when she realized Lexa's tongue was tracing her lips slowly, tasting herself on them and clearly not minding. After a moment, the kiss was interrupted by Lexa's jaw stretching in a wide yawn. Clarke couldn't help smiling, kissing her forehead softly over where her medallion usually sat. "Sleep."

Lexa tried to stifle another yawn as she replied, "What about you?"

Clarke finally released her hand so she could trace her fingertips across her brow and over her ear gently, her voice quiet. "Right now, I need this more."

Lexa relaxed further, a small smile turning up the corners of her mouth as she curled into Clarke more fully, sleep already overtaking her exhausted body. Neither of them felt as though they were in a prison cell, and it wasn't much longer before Clarke joined her, falling asleep with her face pressed into Lexa's neck.


	8. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa oversleeps, Clarke reads gay literature, Octavia needs a raise and a vacation, and Titus is here to ruin lives.

> _They'll say "you hit what you head for, you get what you ask"_
> 
> _And we'll say we didn't know, we didn't even try_
> 
> _One minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky_
> 
> _I'm sorry I can't help you, I cannot keep you safe_
> 
> _I'm sorry I can't help myself, so don't look at me that way_
> 
> _We can't fight gravity on a planet that insists_
> 
> _That love is like falling, and falling is like this._
> 
> \- Ani DiFranco, 'Falling is Like This'

 

The sun was just peeking in the window, its soft rays making their way slowly over the tangle of lightly snoring bodies in Clarke's bed, when the heavy door slammed open hard enough to bounce off the wall.

They were both startled awake as Octavia skidded into the room in a panic, hissing loudly. "Oh my god. Are you kidding me? Wake up!"

Clarke quickly grabbed for something to cover herself with, her eyes barely open as Lexa scrambled out of the bed, letting loose a string of obscenities, at least some of which she'd definitely learned from Octavia.

" _Jok, skrish, **fuck**_!" Lexa snapped, practically tripping over herself trying to locate her clothes while Octavia shut the door quickly.

Octavia started searching for their scattered clothes as well. "You have about three minutes before Titus reaches the throne room, I sent Ryder to distract him."

"Distract Titus? Is that even possible?" Clarke snapped a little as she yanked Lexa's shirt from beneath the bed.

Octavia kept her eyes focused on the floor as much as possible, trying to afford them at least a little modesty as they crawled around the room on the world's worst scavenger hunt. "Well, someone apparently kicked out a window in the Ambassadors' dining hall, so that probably buys a minute or two while he has a stroke about it."

Lexa's head popped up from behind the dais where she'd just located her pants. " _Someone_?"

"Lexa, focus," Clarke said, tossing her shirt to her and pulling her own pants on. "You can deal with O's destruction of personal property charges after you find my shirt."

Octavia glanced towards the door and quickly grabbed Clarke's shirt off the dinner tray, tossing it to her. "Come on, Lex, we're going the long way and we gotta get there before they do."

Lexa was frantically pulling at the pelts on Clarke's bed. "I can't find the medallion."

"Oh, shit." Clarke slapped her hand over her forehead as she and Octavia quickly joined the search through the rumpled bedding for the tiny metal cogwheel.

"Fuck, we have to go, or there's gonna be a lot more than the medallion to worry about." She tugged Lexa away from the bed and quickly started running her fingers through her hair.

"What are you _doing_?" Lexa asked crankily, not looking forward to receiving her daily Titus scolding before the sun had even come all the way up.

"Fixing your sex hair, _Heda_ ," Octavia, to her credit, acted as though her entire purpose in life was to arrange walks of shame for Lexa and she was just fine with that.

Clarke's nose wrinkled just a little in amusement. "It does look pretty wild."

Octavia looked at her as she discarded one of the tiny ties that had broken and was dangling from a sad-looking braid. "You're not being helpful. Get her mantle, would you?"

Clarke bit back a reply when she realized how genuinely panicked Lexa looked, and quietly went to retrieve the mantle instead, helping Octavia buckle Lexa into it.

"You're good, Commander." Clarke couldn't help it; she leaned over and kissed her lightly while Octavia helped her into her coat. She tried to keep the sadness she felt hidden even when Lexa cupped her cheek, doing nothing to hide her own.

Octavia practically dragged Lexa out the door, calling over her shoulder. "Clarke, find that damn medallion!"

Clarke watched the door shut behind them with a lump forming in her throat. The day ahead seemed unbearably long without Lexa's presence, and her gut was clenched with worry about Titus or someone else finding out what was really going on between their Commander and her traitorous prisoner. Would they really kill Lexa for it?

* * *

 

Octavia all but shoved Lexa into the throne room as Titus rounded the corner, Ryder still in tow, and a sour look on his face. "Who would dare to do such a thing?"

Ryder shrugged. " _Azgeda_?"

"In their own dining hall?"

"I don't pretend to understand their motives, _Fleimkepa_."

"Well, just see that it is repaired before the summit next week."

Octavia glanced to her side subtly to watch Lexa scramble onto her throne, trying to look casual, before taking a few steps towards Titus. "I can send word to Arkadia for the materials to repair it. Bellamy can have the supplies here before nightfall with the Rover."

Titus' jaw clenched as it usually did anytime Octavia opened her mouth, but he gave her a curt nod. "Very well." He stood facing her for a moment, his gaze sizing her up suspiciously. "I need to enter the throne room now."

Octavia silently hoped Lexa had enough time to catch her breath as she gave him a sickly sweet smile, taking a step back. "Of course."

He stared her down for a moment before he entered, and thankfully, Lexa appeared calmly situated. Octavia took a deep breath and headed down to the riders' floor to reach out to Bellamy.

* * *

 

Clarke was lounging on the bed picking at her breakfast tray and reading one of Lexa's books, ' _The Wives of Bath'_ when there was a knock at her door. She looked around unsurely for a moment, given that she was technically in a prison cell, before she called out, "Uh, enter?"

The door opened and in stepped Titus, wearing his signature scowl.

Clarke quickly closed the book and set it aside, sitting up and pretending she wasn't nervous he might try to kill her. Titus nodded to the guards—neither of them Ryder, Clarke realized too late. Clarke scrambled off the bed and bolted for the door, but the sentries were too fast for her. One of them used his polearm to slam her into the ground. Before she could even process what was happening, they had grabbed her and bound her hands above her head in shackles, hooked to an old light fixture.

Clarke gathered her composure quickly, watching Titus approach her and trying not to panic. "What the hell is this?"

Titus looked back at her calmly, but his face was covered in determination. "Why was the Commander in here?"

Clarke did her best to look nonchalant despite her blood pressure rising to concerning levels. "If she was, I didn't see her."

Titus pulled his fist back and hit her with surprising strength, and she immediately tasted copper on her lips. "Why was she here?"

"She wasn't." Clarke's eyes narrowed into a glare, refusing to look away from him even when his fist connected with her cheek again. She turned her face back to him slowly as he leaned in a little closer to her.

"She was. The handmaiden who brought your breakfast tray found this when she made the bed." His hand seemed to be moving in slow motion, the room tilting sideways when the sun from the window glinted off the tiny metal cog he was holding up.

Clarke's eyes widened and she felt like she was going to be sick, her stomach suddenly wrenching into a knot. She fought to keep her face neutral, but she knew she must be white as a ghost. She cleared her throat a little, maintaining a sweetly defiant tone as she spat a mouthful of blood onto the floor. "Maybe that one belongs to someone else." She was definitely ready for it when Titus hit her again, opening a wound on her cheek.

"You and your people are nothing but animals. You come into our lands, murder our people, betray our commander, and now you risk her life on adolescent infatuation."

Clarke chose her words carefully. "I'm not risking her life. You are."

"I am _protecting_ her life. Something that does not seem to matter to you."

"Oh, really?" Clarke's eyebrows raised as she turned her head to wipe some of the excess blood from her lips on her shirt. "Because I know the Commander trusts Ryder, Octavia, and Cyrus. But they're not the ones standing in earshot of this conversation."

Titus' eyes flickered to the two sentries he'd brought with him briefly before returning to Clarke, who wasn't done. "If I were you, and I thought _Heda_ might have been in a prisoner's bed, I don't know that I'd go about protecting her by telling a whole bunch of people what I thought was going on." Clarke paused. "And if it was my job to protect her, I think I would do that by never mentioning any of this to anyone, including her." She nodded her head sideways to the sentries, whispering conspiratorially, "I'd probably kill them, too. Say they attacked the prisoner."

Clarke watched, unmoved, as a variety of emotions crossed Titus' face in the millisecond it took him to launch himself at the guards, his dagger out. He easily dispatched both of them with an impressive speed. When he'd caught his breath, he unlocked the shackles around her wrists.

She rubbed her wrists a little as she brushed past him, wanting to put as much space as possible between herself and what had just happened.

Titus faced her solemnly. "If you care about her, you will put a stop to these antics. You risk the wrong people finding out about this.. Mistake. You are risking her life, whether or not you see it." He held the medallion out to her and Clarke took it quietly, softening just a little bit.

"I care about Lexa at least as much as you do," she said quietly. "She's special."

"Yes. She is." He nodded a bit.

"She's also the Commander. She united the thirteen clans and commands their armies. She created peace somewhere there was none. She makes decisions for thousands of other people every single day, and you praise her for it."

"What is your point?"

Clarke just looked at him quietly. "My point is, I'm pretty sure she's smart and capable enough to make decisions for herself, too."

Titus studied her for a brief moment before turning away and walking out of the room without another word, closing the door behind himself.

Clarke fingered the medallion idly, sitting on the edge of the bed and wondering if Titus was right, if the only way this would end would be badly; if her presence here was the equivalent of putting a kill order on Lexa. It hadn't taken even two full days for them to get caught, so how would they ever be able to keep it a secret for as long as it took for the clans to forget about the mountain? Clarke grabbed the book she'd been reading and angrily threw it at the wall behind the dead sentries, letting out a frustrated yell.

Later on, when someone came to clean the dead sentries off the floor, Clarke pretended to be asleep. She did the same thing when the handmaidens came to clean her up, and then again when someone brought up a lunch and then a dinner tray. She was still laying in bed and staring at the wall when the sun began to set over Polis once more.


	9. Coming Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's cranky, Octavia's pissy, and Lexa's tired of not being seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of this chapter got a little cracky--and as Alycia would say, "but! there's a reason."
> 
> As always, Trig translations at the end, just a couple words.

> _I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do_
> 
> _I ain't no damsel in distress, and I don't need to be rescued_
> 
> _Imagine you're a girl, just trying to finally come clean_
> 
> _Knowing full well they'd prefer you were dirty and smiling_
> 
> _And I am sorry, but I am not a maiden fair_
> 
> _And I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere_
> 
> \- Ani DiFranco, 'Not a Pretty Girl'

 

Lexa wore her guilt like a shroud for days.

She'd been coming to Clarke's room as often as possible, compelled to check that Clarke was alone in it; that nothing terrible had happened. Clarke wasn't about to complain, but at the same time, she hated herself for lying to her about something that was clearly causing her a lot of distress. Especially when the result was for her to keep surprising Clarke with niceties; pinkfruit on every tray, a new stack of books, a pouch of charcoal. Every nice thing Lexa did in pursuit of making up for the attack only increased her guilt.

Clarke was sketching out a picture of the Polis skyline when the familiar three-tap knock came from the door. "Yeah?"

Lexa stepped in, and then quickly aside as several sentries filed in behind her, their arms full. Clarke could barely breathe when she saw what was being brought in to her room. Stacks of canvasses, crates filled with paint and brushes. Her eyes widened, her jaw practically on the floor. Lexa could almost swear that the girl from the stars had stars in her eyes as she watched the corner of the room fill with her apology of spoils from the mountain.

Lexa stood at attention, chin in the air and her hands clamped behind her back as she silently watched the attendants bring it all in. Clarke was trying to catch her eye across the room, and it took everything Lexa had to ignore the urge to look back, lest she risk someone noticing the craving she knew would be plastered across her face.

As it turned out, it was a good thing she managed to summon the strength to avoid the desire she knew would be lurking behind Clarke's baby blues. Titus, having come down to investigate the unusual activity in the hall, was coming in the doors, his face leaving no doubt that Lexa was due for another scolding.

Clarke busied herself at the table, turning her back on them. She'd once told Lexa that she saw right through her; the flipside was that Lexa saw right through her as well, and would therefore almost certainly clue into the tension between Titus and herself.

" _Heda_ ," he opened grimly as he watched Ryder setting up an easel in the corner.

Every muscle Lexa had tensed, her jaw clenching in cadence with her clipped words. "Is there a problem, Titus?"

"A problem other than treating the prisoner as you would treat visiting royalty, _Heda_?"

Lexa's shoulders tightened instantly, turning a glare on Titus. "We both know there's only one clan ruled by royalty. If you have something to say, spit it out. This conversation does not need to be as tedious as I anticipate."

He frowned. "Need I remind you what happened the last time you let your feelings make your decisions for you? Do you not think the Ice Queen will move against you when she finds out you're treating this girl not as a prisoner of war crimes, but rather as if you've sworn fealty? She will _surely_ use it to unite the twelve clans against you, Lexa."

Lexa's arms dropped as she turned her body to stare him down, her face darkening, a dangerous tone in her voice. " _Heda_. You will show me the respect due your Commander, _Fleimkepa_. There are thirteen clans now, a fact you would do well to remember in the future." Titus started to open his mouth, but Lexa stepped closer, nowhere near finished expressing her anger. "And you will hold your tongue about Costia as well. It was not my _decision_ to love her any more than I make a decision to breathe. It is what people do, Titus, and the Commander loves _all_ of her people. Even the ones that frequently weaponize her deepest regrets against her."

Titus lowered his head a little, his voice quiet and significantly more respectful than it had been. "Forgive me, _Heda_. It is my job to protect you, as well as the fragile coalition you have built. And treating this girl as you are—"

Lexa's hand snapped up to stop him from continuing. "Clarke _kom Skaikru_ is a gifted artist. If I wish _my_ prisoner to provide a measure of beauty for the halls and lodgings of Polis Tower, that is my prerogative and no threat to the Coalition or my life. In fact, the only threat at this moment is the increased activity of both _Azgeda_ and _Skaikru_ on the northwestern border. A threat which you are meant to be addressing by sending riders to request more _gonakrus_ from the remaining eleven clans to reinforce the blockade. I assume you have not done this yet."

Titus was redder than she'd ever seen him, and it took a lot for Lexa not to smirk about it as he nearly fell over himself apologizing while trying to hide his disapproval of the entire situation. She held her position until he was slinking out the door, giving Octavia a glare as they passed in the hallway.

Octavia came into the room carrying an expanse of tarp. " _Heda_ , Cyrus told me to bring this up."

Lexa's shoulders settled a bit now that Titus was gone, and she nodded. "Thank you, Octavia." She raised her voice a little, addressing the sentries. "Leave us." She maintained her posture until only she, Octavia, and a still-half-dazed Clarke were left, and then sighed, releasing her hands and watching Clarke paw eagerly through the crates.

 "Is it just me, or is Titus even crankier than usual lately?" Octavia dropped the tarp onto the table, shaking her head. "That man is the living embodiment of blue balls."

Amused as she often was with _Skaikru_ 's way of wording things, Lexa finally cracked a smile. "It's not just you. He worries."

"No, Piglet worries. What Titus does is more like having a total psychotic breakdown every five minutes."

Lexa's brows furrowed. "Who is Piglet?"

Octavia paused. "Oh. He was my favorite character in this book Bellamy used to read me when we were kids. He worried all the time, about everything, and he would always say, 'Oh, dear.'"

"He sounds more like a Commander than a Piglet."

"Well, he was an actual piglet. Like, a pig."

Lexa looked over at her dubiously. "That is not possible, Octavia. Pigs cannot worry or speak. This story sounds like a trick."

Clarke, meanwhile, was already leaning over the table, scratching her new charcoal across the page in front of her and listening to the exchange with a smile.

Octavia shrugged a little sadly, fingering the handle of her knife idly. "Most stories are." She cleared her throat, pulling herself together quickly. "I should head down. Bellamy and Raven should be here with the delivery."

Lexa nodded, her eyes darting across the room to where Clarke had lifted her head quickly, her look of yearning only enhanced by the bruises and cuts peppered across her face. "Bellamy and Raven are coming?" Octavia and Lexa both looked everywhere but at Clarke as her face fell quickly. "Let me guess. Prisoners of Polis don't get visitation."

Lexa's voice was quiet, ashamed. "I'm sorry, Clarke. It's the law."

Clarke's face darkened just a little. "You mean it's _your_ law."

Lexa cleared her throat, lifting her chin and looking into her eyes. "Yes. It's my law. There have to be serious consequences, or _jus nou drein jus daun_ would not have even a chance of working."

Clarke dropped the charcoal she'd been playing with back onto the table. "Serious consequences? So, I can't see my friends or my mom, but I can have all this stuff?" She gestured at the table. "It's your law, you could change it if you wanted to."

Lexa opened her mouth to respond, but Octavia had already taken a step towards Clarke. "Do you ever think anything through when it's not about you, Clarke? You have no idea how much of a risk all of this is to Lexa's life in the first place, and you wanna increase the threat just so you can say hi to the people you ran away from?"

"I didn't _run away_ , I—"

Octavia interrupted her quickly. "No, you did, Clarke. You did what you always do. You made a choice for everyone. Then you left to go play martyr in the forest, not caring what happened _after._ Lexa saves your life, and all you've done since then is put hers at risk. All you care about is what you want, what you think is best. You act like people can't be trusted to make their own choices for themselves."

"Probably because they can't," Clarke spat, facing off with her.

Octavia's tone darkened along with her face as she leaned in even closer. "You would have made a _great_ Chancellor on the Ark. You're a pro at claiming everything you do is for your people and then floating them in the same breath!" They were both shaking, and Octavia's hand was wrapped tightly around her sheathed knife, her knuckles white with stress.

"That's ironic coming from you, _Wanheda_. You've been running away from your people to play Grounder since we landed!"

Before it could go any further, Lexa snapped, " _Em pleni!"_

They glared at each other for another moment before Octavia said evenly, her eyes still locked to Clarke's, " _Moba, Heda_." She turned on her heel and walked out of the room without another word.

Clarke watched her go with a scowl on her face, then looked back at Lexa, her heart sinking when Lexa looked back at her with disappointment before following Octavia out of the room.

* * *

 

When Lexa found her, Octavia was standing just outside the rear tower entrance, her arms crossed and one foot propped against the wall she was leaning back against. Her face was tense, her jaw clenched as she watched the buzz of the marketplace.

Lexa stood next to her,

"Here to yell at me?" Octavia had meant it to be dryly sarcastic, but it came out sounding very small.

"No," she said simply, leaning carelessly against the wall in a stance not entirely appropriate for a Commander. "You were both wrong, and you were both right."

"You know how much it kills me to agree with Titus about anything, but, _Heda_ , Clarke is a threat to you. You know that, don't you?"

Lexa waved her hand dismissively. "You and Titus overreact."

Octavia bit her lip, worrying it for a minute as she had a brief internal debate. "I think Titus knows."

Lexa's head spun towards her quickly, abandoning her relaxed posture on the wall to fully face her. "What makes you think that?"

Octavia's voice was quiet when she responded. "He just _happened_ to walk in on the attack and save Clarke's life? And why were they attacking her? If they were going to kill her, they would've slit her throat. Something quick and lowkey."

Lexa's bright green eyes searched Octavia's desperately, paling a little as the pieces began falling into place. "It was his doing. And he wanted information, not blood." She looked back at her, her confident mask slipping quickly out of place. "But why would he not have told me he knew? Why would _Clarke_ not have told me? They have no stake in protecting each other."

Octavia cleared her throat, scuffing the toe of her boot on the ground. "They're not protecting each other. They're protecting you. The best way to keep a secret is not to say it out loud. And Clarke.." She sighed, rolling her eyes. "Is a heinous bitch a lot of the time, but she really does care about people. Especially you. She knew you'd hate Titus for what he did to her, so she lied to you."

"Like her friend Wells lying to her so she wouldn't hate her mother." Octavia nodded quietly, picking at her cuticles. Lexa swallowed hard as her mind replayed the past several days, her voice quiet. "The medallion. Clarke said she found it. But she would not look me in the eye. I blamed it on the attack rather than deception."

"They mean well, _Heda_."

Her face quickly grew stormy, her body tensed and a clipped tone to her voice. "Everyone does seem to mean well when they tell me who I am meant to be and what I am meant to do."

Octavia's brows furrowed a little as she looked back at her once more. "What does that mean?"

Lexa straightened her posture, a determined and stony look taking over her face as she practically growled. "It means I'm the Commander. Nobody decides for me, and I will not hide behind _anyone's_ protection." She turned and headed towards the door with a determined pace.

Octavia watched her go with confusion, calling after her, " _Heda_ , what does that mean?" Lexa just kept walking as the _Skaikru_ rover turned onto the road beside the square, and Octavia slammed her hands against the wall. " _Spichen_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIG TRANSLATIONS (order of appearance)  
> \- gathered from the show, David J. Peterson's blog, and trigedasleng.net. Any errors in spelling, grammar, or structure are entirely mine. 
> 
> Em pleni - enough  
> Moba - sorry  
> Spichen - damn it


	10. Defying Gravity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's coming out of her cage and she's doing just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -There is SO much trig in here, but it felt very important for ceremonial purposes to use their native tongue, so I've structured this chapter slightly differently--I have included all of the phrases at the end as always, but for the sake of a cohesive reading experience, I have also included the translations in the dialog at several points.
> 
> \- There is SO much dialogue in here in general, I'm sorry! As Alycia would say, "But! There is a reason!" 
> 
> \- Audaskai is an anti-Coalition faction initially formed by members of Skaikru that were against becoming the 13th clan and left Arkadia. It is led by former Chancellor Thelonius Jaha and his lieutenant, Charles Pike. Their numbers are unknown, as anti-Coalition grounders from other clans also joined in protest. Their headquarters is also unknown, as most of the faction are nomadic. Their primary goal is to disassemble the Coalition of the Commander, which they view as an oppressive dictatorship, via terroristic acts and espionage.
> 
> \- There's even SO many notes. This chapter is ridiculous and I'm so, so sorry it even exists.

> _Something has changed within me, something is not the same_
> 
> _I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game_
> 
> _Too late for second-guessing, too late to go back to sleep_
> 
> _It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap!_
> 
> _It's time to try defying gravity_
> 
> \- Idina Menzel, 'Defying Gravity'

 

 

Octavia carefully straightened one of Lexa's braids and leaned back a little, admiring her handiwork.

"You've got this, _Heda Leksa_." Octavia smiled widely, straightening out the collar of her jacket and grabbing the kohl off the table. Lexa closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "No more girl in a box, right?"

 "Damn right." Octavia carefully started applying the kohl band across Lexa's eyes. "It's okay to be nervous."

"I am not nervous," Lexa replied, a little too quickly. Octavia paused to raise her brows at her pointedly, and she let out a sigh. "Okay, I'm a little nervous."

"Indra insisted on increasing the security detail on any high-priority targets in Polis, and everyone entering Polis Tower will be searched first."

Lexa shut her eyes again so Octavia could continue. "That seems excessive. Especially when the whole point of this is to show strength."

"I'm with Indra on this one. There's gonna be a lot of angry people, Lex. Not to mention a very, very pissed off Ice Nation. And the _Audaskai_ rebels have been crazy active lately, too. There's too many threats to not play it safe."

Lexa let out a begrudged grunt. "Very well."

Octavia set aside the kohl tray and patted her shoulders lightly, leaning over her a little. "You ready to _ban op disha lok daun_ , Commander? " [ _leave this cage]_

Lexa stayed silent as a large, confident smile slowly spread across her lips.

* * *

 

The summit began at sundown.

Around the throne room were now thirteen more seats, each with the clan logo at the head and several of the leaders' attendants gathered around it. Nia was conspicuously absent, her son Roan standing before the throne in her stead. His attendants included a girl with dark hair and a scowl not much older than the Commander, and another young warrior with a half-mask and no scars. The latter fact made Octavia nervous as she stood post to the left of Heda's throne, and she turned a little, trying to catch Indra's eye on the other side of it.

But Indra was looking right at the _Azgeda_ _plangona_ already, and when Octavia glanced over to where Bellamy stood beside Chancellor Kane, he was looking at the girl, too. Very slowly and subtly, Octavia reached down and unsnapped her knife holster, just in case, at the same time as Indra did.

The doors opened just then, and as Lexa stepped through them, everyone took a knee. She moved slowly through the room, her spine ramrod straight, her chin tilted just slightly. Every step screamed Commander as she stepped up in front of the throne, but didn't sit, gazing around the room at her people.

She stood quietly, waiting another moment before speaking. "You may rise." Lexa deliberately remained standing as the room joined her on their feet.

"This leadership summit has been called in the interest of further uniting the 13 clans against the ongoing threat from the _Audaskai_ rebellion, to discuss any major conflicts or concerns of your clans, as well as to solidify the treaty of the Coalition." Lexa surveyed the room, her gaze landing on the _Azgedan_ throne. "Prince Roan of Azgeda, step forward." Roan did so with a reluctant sigh as his attendants both stood a bit straighter. Lexa looked him up and down slowly as he stood before her. "I assume there is a very good reason why you are here in the stead of your true leader."

"Queen Nia is too busy fighting the ongoing incursions from _Skaikru_ to deal with the politics causing them," the dark-haired attendant said, her lips curling into a sneer. " _Heda_."

Lexa smiled pleasantly at the girl before turning her gaze back to Roan. "We will have a discussion about this later, in private. In the meantime, you might consider muzzling your pup. I would hate for there to be any misconceptions about who is in charge here."

"Of course, _Heda_ ," Roan bowed his head without a shred of reticence before going back to his throne, his eyes shooting daggers at the girl who had spoken.

Having knocked _Azgeda_ 's influence down a peg or two, Lexa once again addressed the entire room.

"It is not _Skaikru_ that is the enemy. _Skaikru_ , led by Chancellor Kane, is the thirteenth clan and a loyal member of the Coalition. We now know that the destructive acts attributed to _Skaikru_ have been coming from a separatist faction that rejects the Coalition. _Audaskai_ is made up of many former Sky People, yes, but they now have just as many defectors from every faction. So you see, this is not merely Chancellor Kane's problem—it is all of ours, and we will begin solving it this day.

"From here out, there is a bounty on the head of any member of _Audaskai_. They are not to be killed—" the room erupted with several outraged voices, and Lexa raised both her hand and her voice. "They are not to be killed unless it is in the form of self-defense, there is no other choice, or they have done something particularly heinous. This is the essence of _jus nou drein jus daun_ , and you will _all_ adhere to it.

"Many of you have expressed concerns about the world we are building without the guidance of 'blood must have blood'. My answer to you is a _better_ world. A safer, kinder world, where our children can know a life without violence and hardship. Where _Trikru_ , _Azgeda_ , and _Skaikru_ are just names for where we live, not reasons to hate each other. Where we might all live in peace among each other and learn to forgive."

The room before her was full of uncertain looks and Lexa very subtly took a slow breath to steady herself. "This will be the essence of the treaty we sign today. That blood must only have blood in the most extreme circumstances, and those circumstances will be examined by the Ambassadors of the Coalition until a council can be convened for this task. It will be a difficult change for all of us. It is human nature to seek vengeance and guarantee our survival—but are we not so much more than our nature? Do we not deserve better than just surviving? Because I believe we do."

Among a room full of confused muttering, Lexa turned slightly towards Indra and inclined her chin. Indra stepped forward and called out, " _Lid fingadon in_."

The doors opened once more and the room watched in stunned silence as Ryder and Cyrus brought in Clarke and Titus, their wrists bound in front of them. The party made its way to the throne and Clarke and Titus lowered themselves to their knees before Lexa, their heads bowed as Ryder and Cyrus stepped aside.

Lexa chose to ignore the whispers and mutterings as well as the defiant glares coming from the _Azgedan_ attendants—but not, she noticed, from Roan, who merely looked on with curiosity.

" _Jus drein jus daun_ has always, always been the way of our people. But the world has changed— _we_ have changed, and we must continue to change or risk destroying each other. This is why _jus drein jus daun_ is no longer the way of our people. I wish to be a Commander not of, but _for_ the people. A Commander who has the best interest of her people always in mind, who gives all of herself to her people. _Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun._ [ _My life is your life_.] I wish to show you what our future can look like."

Lexa straightened her shoulders further, clasping her hands behind her back as the room fell eerily silent. "Clarke _kom Skaikru_ , you stand accused of war crimes at the Battle of the Mountain. Specifically, you are charged with violating the terms of _Skaikru_ 's alliance with the Coalition, with making a deal with the mountain that would leave the Coalition hostages to continue being bled against their will, and with forcing most of _Skaikru_ to give marrow to the mountain whether or not they consented. How do you answer these charges? _Ron ai ridiyo op_."

Clarke kept her head lowered when she responded. " _Ai laik hedsweda, Heda. Ai ron yu ain sonraun._ " [ _I am guilty, commander. I offer you my life_.]

" _Ai wigod op yu, Clarke kom Skaikru, gon fotones gon oso kru. Ai ron yu sonraun op._ " _[I forgive you, Clarke of Skaikru, for crimes against our people. I grant you your life_.]

_"Mochof. Ai koma op oso kongeda. Ai badan klin gon yu, Heda Leksa kom Trikru. Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun."_ [ _Thank you. I honor our coalition. I swear loyalty to you, Commander Lexa of Trikru. My life is your life_.]

" _Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun._ " Lexa nodded at Octavia, who stepped forward and cut Clarke's bindings, helping her to her feet. She escorted Clarke to the _Skaikru_ delegation, noting the look of pride on Bellamy's face when he caught her eye and gave her a subtle nod of approval as Raven reached out and gently squeezed Clarke's shoulder, whispering something that made her smile.

When Octavia had resumed post beside the throne, Lexa turned to Titus.

" _Fleimkepa_ Titus _kom Sangedakru_ , you stand accused of deceiving your Commander, assaulting a _Skaikru_ prisoner, and the murder of sentries Jubal _kom Podakru_ and Gunner _kom Trishanakru_. How do you answer these charges? _Ron ai ridiyo op_."

" _Ai laik hedsweda, Heda. Ai ron yu ain sonraun._ "

" _Ai wigod op yu, Titus kom Sangedakru, gon fotones gon oso kru. Ai ron yu sonraun op_ ," Lexa paused, her lips pursed. "And I hereby strip you of your duties of _Fleimkepa_ and appoint Gaia _kom Trikru_ as _Fleimkepa_. It is up to her whether she will allow you to assist in training the _natblidas_ , but you will no longer serve at the side of the Commander."

A wave of gasps made its way around the room, and Octavia actually felt bad for Titus, who couldn't have looked more devastated. To his credit, his voice was steady when he swore his loyalty. " _Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun_."

" _Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun_." When Lexa nodded, Indra stepped forward and removed Titus' bindings, escorting him to Gaia's side, her jaw clenched as she deliberately avoided her daughter's eyes. When she'd taken up her post again, Lexa gazed out over the crowd.

"This is our way now. The way of forgiveness and second chances, the way of blood must not have blood—a better way. I grant all of you life, because my life _is_ your life. I give all of myself, for all of us. Will you defy me, or will you join me?"

Chancellor Kane _kom Skaikru_ was the first to take a knee, joined quickly by Bellamy, Clarke, and Raven, all speaking as one. " _Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun_."

Prince Roan of Azgeda was the next to step forward, without his attendants, and he easily took a knee, bowing his head. " _Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun_."

Slowly, the _Trikru_ and _Trishanakru_ ambassadors stepped forward as well, and one by one the other delegations followed suit until only the _Azgedan_ attendants remained standing. Roan looked over at them, his voice firm. "Echo. Ontari. You will bow before your Commander." The women exchanged a glance before they each knelt, their faces matching masks of mutiny as they did.

Lexa looked at the people before her— _her_ people—and very slowly lowered herself onto her knees as well, to a chorus of gasps throughout the room. Her chin was lifted high and proud as she spoke. _"Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun_."

She inclined her head slightly as the room responded in unison. " _Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun_."

When she stood once more, she allowed herself to look across the room, her gaze finding the bright blue of Clarke's eyes, which were lit up with pride as she smiled at her, nodding a little.

Lexa finally sat on her throne, and the other ambassadors followed suit.

"The next order of business we must discuss is the temporary border adjustment request from _Trishanakru_. As I understand it, their hunting grounds have become scarce earlier than usual this year, and they request the same border adjustment into _Azgeda_ for the winter season as we have issued the past three winters but for an extended time. Are there any objections?"

His attendants glared daggers, but Roan simply said, " _Azgeda_ has no particular objection to this, Heda."

Lexa nodded. " _Mochof_ , Prince Roan. So it is decided. We also have a req—"

She was cut off when Lincoln was escorted in by Ryder, their faces stony and concerned. "I'm sorry to interrupt, Heda, but something has happened. There's been an attack on Tondc."

Lexa stood quickly, her eyes widening, and then quickly narrowing as she glanced sideways toward the _Azgeda_ delegation. "What kind of attack?"

Lincoln's voice was slightly choked when he responded. "It's been destroyed. Buildings burned to the ground, only a handful of survivors."

Lexa felt the world shift around her, fighting back the bile rising in the back of her throat, hearing Indra choke back a gasp of her own. She felt dizzy as the room erupted in a flurry of conversation and outraged cries. Finally, after a moment, Lexa was able to gather herself enough that her voice was only mildly shaky. "Do we know who is responsible for this?"

Lincoln swallowed hard, exchanging a look with Octavia, who had already figured out exactly who was responsible. "They were all killed with bullets."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIG TRANSLATIONS (order of appearance)  
> \- gathered from the show, David J. Peterson's blog, and trigedasleng.net. Any errors in spelling, grammar, or structure are entirely mine. 
> 
> Audaskai - outer sky; anti-coalition faction started by rogue members of skaikru  
> ban op disha lok daun - leave this cage  
> Plangona - warrior woman  
> Lid fingadon in - bring in the accused  
> Ron ai ridiyo op - speak true  
> Ai laik hedsweda - I am (a) guilty (person)  
> ai ron yu ain sonraun - I give you my life  
> Ai wigod op yu - I forgive you  
> gon fotones gon oso kru - for crimes against our people  
> Ai ron yu sonraun op - I grant you your life  
> Ai koma op oso kongeda. ai badan klin gon yu - I honor our coalition. I swear loyalty to you  
> Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun. - my life is your life


	11. Coda: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa faces battles involving an unlikely ally, emotional baggage, and extreme thirst, and she picks all of them. Octavia's a BAMF as usual, and Clarke comes up with a totally extra nickname for Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Trig at the end as per usual. No new phrases, but figured I'd throw them up anyway.

 

> _You'll say did they love you or what_
> 
> _I'll say they love what I do_
> 
> _The only one who really loves me is you_
> 
> _And you'll say girl did you kick some butt_
> 
> _And I'll say I don't really remember_
> 
> _But my fingers are sore, and my voice is too_
> 
> \- Ani DiFranco, 'You Had Time'

 

 

Lexa slammed the door to her bedchamber open with enough force to crack one of the decorative panels and stormed in, her coat flapping furiously in her wake. Behind her, Octavia, Clarke, Indra, Lincoln, and Gaia followed, all of them forming a loose cluster in the doorway. Lexa was blind with rage as she rested her hands on a table, taking a few breaths in an attempt to steady herself.

" _Azgeda_ will say it was _Skaikru_ ," Clarke murmured unnecessarily.

"We all know it was _Audaskai_ ," Octavia snapped. " _Azgeda_ can say whatever the fuck they want, they're not in charge."

"Why Tondc?" Lexa had turned to face them once more, leaning back slightly on the table. " _Audaskai_ has almost exclusively targeted the armies of the coalition, not the villagers. Why destroy Tondc?"

Nobody had an answer for her, which just frustrated her further, her eyes dark with rage.

" _Heda_?" Ryder approached outside the still-open doors.

"Enter."

He stepped in, lowering his head. " _Heda_ , I apologize, but Prince Roan of _Azgeda_ has requested an audience with you immediately."

Lexa raised her eyebrows. "Send him in."

Roan stepped into the room without his attendants, bowing his head to her and glancing at the others. "What do you wish to speak about, Prince Roan of _Azgeda_?"

"Heda, I believe that _Azgeda_ may be involved in the attack on Tondc." Every eyebrow in the room rose then, but he continued speaking, his gaze on Lexa. "My mother has been meeting with the _Audaskai_ leaders in secret. _Audaskai_ has been providing guns and weapons training to _Azgeda gonakrus_."

Lexa's jaw was tightening. "Why would you tell me this? Your queen would have your head."

"I'm trying to do what's right for my people. Most of them support the Coalition and still more do not support _Audaskai_. My mother's way will be the end of _Azgeda_ when the other armies find out they're responsible." Roan straightened up a little, tilting his chin up. "I would request asylum in Polis until it is safe for me to return home. In exchange for the location and time of the next meeting with _Audaskai_."

Lexa searched his face intently for a moment, but his eyes did not flicker away even once, though he was clearly nervous. "I believe you, Roan _kom Azgeda_. I will have quarters arranged for you and your attendants here in Polis Tower until further notice. In the meantime, you will sit with Indra and tell her what you know."

Roan inclined his head briefly. "If I may, _Heda_ , my attendants are not to be trusted."

"Then perhaps we can learn something from them as well. Ryder will arrange your rooms."

" _Mochof, Heda_."

Lexa nodded to Roan as Ryder led him from the room, waiting until they were out of earshot and Lincoln had shut the doors again to speak. "That girl was no _plangona_." Off Clarke's furrowed brows, she sighed. " _Azgeda_ favors scarification. She had none, and no marks."

Clarke nodded slowly. "She's a spy?"

"Yes."

Octavia frowned, leaning back against the wall with her arms crossed. "Why are we keeping her here, then? So she can spy on us?"

The corners of Lexa's lips lifted in a small, but smug, smile. "That's exactly why we're keeping her here."

* * *

 

It only took one day for the right situation to present itself.

With an increased awareness that a well-trained spy was also seeking an opportunity, Lexa had taken to quickly scanning over even the most mundane changes in the environment. So when she stepped into her bedchamber and saw that the very corner of the rug was rolled over. Likely the spy, Echo, was in the rafters, and Lexa was very careful not to look up as she crossed the chamber.

She turned her back to the room and began undressing, calling out to her sentries. "I need to speak with Octavia and Indra."

Within a few minutes, she'd finished changing into more comfortable clothes for the evening, and there was a knock at the door.  "Enter!"

Octavia and Indra entered and stood at attention, Indra saying, "You wanted to see us, Heda?"

"Yes. Gaia is in the southern yard with the _natblidas._ You will go there and stand post."

They exchanged a look, and Octavia spoke, "You're worried about an attack from _Audaskai_ , aren't you?"

Lexa nodded. "Their goal is to destroy the coalition and bring the time of the Commanders to an end."

"And the most efficient way to do that is to kill you and make sure there are no _natblidas_ to take your place," Octavia said slowly. Lexa nodded once more. "We're on it."

When they had left, Lexa headed to the back of her chamber and carefully removed the medallion from her forehead, setting it in a small case, and began washing her face, splashing the water in the basin loudly. When the tell-tale creak of the beam near the balcony reached her ears, she couldn't help but smile to herself.

* * *

 

Octavia watched from the tree canopy, laying flat on a branch above eye level after feigning the need to use the bathroom. Indra stood post at the front gate while the _natblidas_ sparred with each other, Gaia and Titus circling them to correct their form or grip.

Just as Lexa had predicted, a shadow moved along the edge of the eastern copse. It took only a moment for the shadow to leap through the brush, swinging a sword at Titus, who blocked it expertly. Octavia's eyes quickly swept the edges of the yard until she saw the first arrow fly towards Indra and miss by less than an inch. Octavia swung down from the tree and, using the underbrush and hedges, made her way swiftly and silently to the tree the arrow came from.

Gaia and Titus struggled with Ontari, who kept them at a distance as Octavia quickly scaled the tree. She had reached the branch before Echo realized she was there, and when Echo whirled on her, holding her arrow like a dagger, Octavia was ready. She ducked quickly and plunged her fist into Echo's back, right where her kidney would be. Echo gasped, the wind knocked out of her, as she toppled off the branch to the ground. Octavia dropped down next to her, kicking her weapon away.

She quickly bound the spy and held onto her by her hair as she headed into the yard, where Titus and Gaia were standing over a collapsed Ontari, looks of shock on their faces. Octavia marched Echo up to them, glancing over to make sure neither Indra or the _natblidas_ she'd gathered in a cluster away from the fighting had been hurt.

Octavia looked down at Ontari's still form and then looked closer when she realized she was covered in a sticky-looking black substance.

They all exchanged a serious look and Octavia gave Echo's hair a hard yank, not loosening her grip on it. "This was your queen's plan? Kill a bunch of little kids and the Commander, make Ontari Commander?"

Echo just sneered at her. "I will tell you nothing, Skygirl."

Octavia gave her a sinister smile. "You've already told me everything I needed to know anyway, _spy_."

* * *

 

Lexa lay with her head resting on Clarke's chest, one arm and leg draped over her body. Clarke's arm was wrapped around her, her nails lightly scratching random patterns over the bare expanse of Lexa's back.

"How did you know about Ontari?" Clarke's asked softly.

Lexa's eyes stayed closed as she basked in Clarke's presence, her voice a mumbled sigh. "I didn't know."

"You suspected, though."

"Mm."

Clarke smiled lightly. She loved Lexa like this; warm and affectionate, satisfied and sleepy. As if she could read her thoughts, Lexa's weight against her chest increased just a bit as she relaxed further.

"What will happen now?" Clarke traced her spine lazily up to the back of her neck. "To the leadership, the people?"

Lexa sighed, mumbling tiredly against Clarke's chest. "Nia, Jaha, and Pike will be apprehended at their upcoming meeting and brought to Polis to stand trial. Their people will have a choice to rejoin _Skaikru_ and _Azgeda_ under Roan's rule, or be banished from my lands."

Clarke lightly twirled a stray braid between her fingertips, using the end of it to gently tickle the back of Lexa's neck. "It really makes me hot when you talk about banishing people."

Lexa turned her head so her chin was on Clarke's chest, smiling up at her. "Yeah?"

Clarke smirked, tracing her thumb lightly over her eyebrow, her tone playful. "So fierce.. Commander Badass."

"I like the sound of that," Lexa said, ducking her head to kiss her chest softly.

Clarke sighed lightly, winding her fingers through Lexa's curls as she did. "Does that make me Mrs. Badass?"

"You're Mrs. _fanas-_ ass."

Clarke pouted as Lexa kissed her way slowly across the tops of her breasts, scratching her nails lightly against her scalp. "That's all I am to you, huh? Just this wildly sexy chick you wanna keep in bed all day?"

Lexa's tongue traced the underside of her breast as she mumbled. "Uh-huh."

Clarke moaned, chuckling lightly at the same time and playfully swatting Lexa's ass as she climbed more fully on top of her. "I feel so used.." Her back arched a little as Lexa's tongue found her nipple and circled it slowly, drawing another soft moan from Clarke.

Lexa slid her hips down a little, lining them up with Clarke's and running her hands lightly over her sides. "I've barely even begun using you." She punctuated the statement with a strong roll of her hips against hers, generating pressure on her own clit while denying Clarke the same. Clarke moaned deeper, shifting beneath her, although it wasn't quite clear if it was protest at being denied or arousal at Lexa's words.

Clarke's hands went to Lexa's hips, pulling her down and raising her own hips at the same time, enjoying the long moan Lexa let out when her clit rubbed over her mound once more. Clarke let out a disapproving grunt when Lexa slid down her legs, putting her hips out of reach. "Come back.."

Lexa shifted between her legs, pushing her thighs apart as she slid down further, kissing her way south from her navel. "I'm busy, _Klark._ "

Clarke opened her mouth to whine a response, but all that came out was a long, deep moan when Lexa's tongue quickly found her entrance, pressing inside. " _Jok_ , _Leksa_.."

Lexa teased her tongue over every inch of her fluttering center and Clarke drew her knees up, spreading her legs wider for her. Clarke was already soaked from the few rounds they'd gone just a short time ago, and Lexa wasted no time sliding two fingers deep inside her already primed sex, tracing around them with her tongue as Clarke's fingers tightened in her hair, her hips already twitching with need.

" _Mou, beja.._ " She moaned, and Lexa was only too happy to oblige her, carefully sliding a third digit into her grasping heat, curling her long, skilled fingers deeper inside her. Clarke arched hard against the bed, her hips moving in time with Lexa's fingers as she rapidly headed for the edge.

Lexa closed her lips over Clarke's swollen clit, sucking mercilessly at it as Clarke bucked her hips and cried her name loudly as she came quickly. Lexa backed off from the twitching bud, her tongue running over her repeatedly as she tried to catch every drop Clarke had to offer her.

Clarke sank against the bed, letting out a soft moan when Lexa withdrew her fingers and laid her cheek on her thigh, slowly licking her fingers clean. Clarke watched her with an exhausted smile, her fingers still tangled in Lexa's wild curls.

When she was finally able to catch her breath, she tugged her hair gently. "Now will you come back?"

Lexa lifted her head from her thigh and smiled, her lips still shining with Clarke's arousal, and slid back up, rolling onto her side so her back was to her. Clarke rolled over as well, pressing the length of her body along hers. Lexa pressed her ass back into the cradle of her hips as Clarke's arm encircled her, rubbing her stomach lazily.

Lexa let a long breath out in a sigh as she relaxed and let Clarke surround her, her eyes closing. After a minute, she quietly babbled something incoherent. Clarke smiled and kissed her shoulder. "What was that?"

Lexa tilted her face away from the pillow enough to mumble, "Never feel safer than I do right here."

Clarke smiled again, her hand sliding over hers and linking their fingers together against Lexa's chest. "I changed my mind. You're not Commander Badass."

Lexa smiled, her eyes still closed. "What am I, then?"

"Mm.. I'm thinking something like Commander Snugglebutt," Clarke kissed behind her ear softly.

Lexa laughed , holding Clarke's hand over her heart. "I don't think so."

 "Too late. That one's sticking for sure." Clarke nipped her earlobe playfully.

Lexa groaned and just buried her face in the pillow, but the truth was, she didn't mind it at all.

* * *

 

It was several weeks later when the guards brought Nia into the throne room, hands bound, and forced her to her knees before Lexa.

Lexa's jaw was clenched tighter than ever as she looked down upon the woman who had given such a cruel and distressing end to sweet, gentle Costia; the woman who had arranged for the murder of the _natblidas_ ; who had, they now knew, been responsible for the massacre in Tondc and the preceding beheading of several members of _Skaikru_.

Having already sentenced Jaha and Pike to either banishment or the return to Arkadia as prisoners of _Skaikru_ , Lexa had only Nia left to deal with, and she had been looking forward to doing so for a very long time.

Indra and Octavia stood to one side of her throne, Clarke and Gaia to the other. The ambassadors were seated around the room, including Roan, who was being attended to by the spy. Lexa did not trust Echo by any means yet, but Roan did, and she trusted Roan.

She said nothing at first, just basking in the moment now that Nia was finally knelt before her to face punishment that was long overdue.

"Queen Nia _kom Azgeda_. You stand accused of the following crimes: Violating the terms of the coalition by allying with the _Audaskai_ rebellion; the massacre of 250 residents of Tondc in an unprovoked attack; the murder and beheading of three members of _Skaikru_ —Gina Martin, John Mbege, and Kyle Wick; ordering espionage against the Coalition and the Commander; the attempted murder of Titus _kom Sangedakru_ , Indra _kom Trikru_ , Octavia _kom Trikru_ , and _Fleimkepa_ Gaia _kom Trikru_ ; the attempted murder of the entire _natblida_ novitiate class; the planned murder of the Commander; the planned murder of your own son, King Roan _kom_ _Azgeda_ ; and the torture, murder, and beheading of Costia _kom Floukru_. How do you answer these charges? _Ron ai ridiyo op_."

Nia scowled up at her in disgust, leaving no doubt how she truly felt about the situation. Her voice was cold and composed, however, when she responded. " _Ai laik hedsweda, Heda. Ai ron yu ain sonraun."_

Lexa stood slowly and stepped down from the throne level until she was only an inch or two from the Ice Queen, putting her hand out to her. "Do you truly offer your life to me as payment for your crimes, Nia?"

Nia continued glaring at her, but raised her bound wrists over Lexa's outstretched hand and allowed her to help her stand. "Yes, _Heda_. I offer you my life."

"And I will happily take it," Lexa said flatly, drawing her knife quickly across Nia's throat to a chorus of gasps. As Nia fell forward into her, she grabbed her shoulders and hissed into her ear, "For Costia."

Nia let out a single choke as she crumpled to the ground, her blood pooling around her lifeless body.

Lexa looked at her for a moment before clearing her throat and addressing the room. "I have accepted Nia's offer of her life in exchange for the particularly heinous crimes she has committed against so many. The ambassadors will review the situation as always, but I am confident there will be no objections."

With that, Lexa tilted her chin up and walked out of the throne room, smoothly stepping over Nia's crumpled remains. When she closed the doors to her bedchamber behind her, she quickly slid to the ground, shaking a little. As expected, Clarke was hot on her heels and when she came in, joined her on the floor quickly.

Clarke said nothing; just slid her arm around the back of Lexa's shoulders, pulling her close. Lexa gratefully curled into her embrace, tucking her face against her chest as Clarke stroked her hair and back gently. The tears came quickly, running down her cheeks and soaking into Clarke's top, but for the first time Lexa could remember, they were tears of relief.

It was almost as though she could feel Costia's essence settling into a safe spot within her—no longer a ghost to haunt her, but a memory of love that would comfort her forever; a love that had, she now realized, prepared her to love Clarke. Costia had softened every edge Lexa was made to sharpen; kept her heart from closing completely all this time. Costia had left the cracks in Lexa's armor that Clarke had seeped through.

She couldn't be sure, of course; but Lexa had a strong suspicion that if she were present right now, Costia would probably be proud of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIG TRANSLATIONS (order of appearance)  
> \- gathered from the show, David J. Peterson's blog, and trigedasleng.net. Any errors in spelling, grammar, or structure are entirely mine. 
> 
> Plangona - warrior woman  
> Fanas - sexy  
> Ron ai ridiyo op - speak true  
> Ai laik hedsweda - I am (a) guilty (person)  
> ai ron yu ain sonraun - I give you my life


	12. Coda: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is thirsty, Lexa is such a useless gay she can barely tie her shoes, Skaikru wants to return to the mountain, and Raven gets to be happy for a minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, guys. I've had the most amazing time writing this story and going on this journey with y'all and our girls. I'm very new to the 100/Clexa/Lexark fandom, having watched the show for the first time in February of this year, but everyone has made me feel so, so welcomed into this uniquely amazing and extraordinarily passionate community. I feel like I've found a family who is every bit as weird, obsessive, useless, queer, and full of love as myself and it's truly a beautiful feeling, that sense of belonging. Thank you so much for accepting me, for reading (and hopefully enjoying) my stories, and for all the kudos and comments. 
> 
> I imagine some of you are sad to see the "Complete Work" tag, and the good news is that while this story is complete, the series is not. Check the series page for a preview of Book II!

> _Hold on, to me as we go_
> 
> _As we roll down this unfamiliar road_
> 
> _And although this wave is stringing us along_
> 
> _Just know you_ _’re not alone_
> 
> _'Cause I_ _’m going to make this place your home_
> 
> \- Phillip Phillips, 'Home'

 

Clarke finished folding the large pelt at the foot of the bed, fully aware that Lexa was staring at her back from where she lounged on the dais with a book. "If you want, I can draw you a picture of my ass for when I'm not here."

"That won't be necessary," Lexa said simply, her eyes following her around the side of the bed.

"No?"

"I have no intention of letting you not be here."

Clarke's nose was crinkled with amusement as she smoothed down the edges of the bedding. "No? So, if I just headed for the door right now, what would you do?"

Lexa smiled and slid a page marker into the book before setting it aside. "Probably tie you to the bed. The wall, maybe. Until you realized how wrong you would be to leave."

Clarke smiled as well, heading to the dais and straddling Lexa's lap as her arms went around her. "I might enjoy that, Commander Snugglebutt."

Lexa smirked, sliding her hands lightly over her lower back, just under her shirt, and running her nails lightly over her hipbones. "Trust me, you would."

Clarke ducked her head, kissing Lexa's throat softly. "Maybe we should explore that theory.."

Lexa closed her eyes and tilted her head a little, sighing. "Mm.. The exploring will have to wait until later. We have lunch with _Skaikru_." Clarke let out a petulant groan and traced her tongue lightly over the curve of her collarbone. "I know.. But we have to. Your mom's gonna be there."

Clarke's tongue retreated quickly and she made a face. "God, do you have to talk about my mom when I'm actively licking you, though?"

Lexa smirked and playfully smacked her ass. "Why do you think I said it? It's the one surefire way to get you to behave." Clarke pouted at her. "Go get dressed before I start talking about your mom again."

Clarke reluctantly climbed off her lap and opened the wardrobe, rummaging around in it as Lexa slid into her boots before walking over to her. "I've got to go down to meet the delegation. I'll see you in the banquet hall?" Lexa wrapped her arms around her from behind, kissing her shoulder.

"Okay," Clarke grumbled a little before turning to kiss her lightly.

* * *

 

Clarke paused just outside the banquet hall doors, peeking in quietly.

Lexa was standing near her chair at the end of the table, talking with Kane and Abby, and Clarke was pleasantly surprised to see them smiling. Bellamy stood just off to the side, patting Lincoln's back as he laughed, with one arm around Octavia, who had both arms around Bellamy's waist.

Raven was already seated, and a very pretty girl with wild red curls was massaging her braced leg.

Clarke couldn't help it; she just stood there for a minute, overwhelmed with love for all of them. She swallowed hard and tried to pull her emotions together before walking in.

Like she had some kind of radar, Lexa looked over at her immediately, her face flushing a bit and her teeth working her lower lip. Clarke was wearing simple black bottoms and a lightweight black suit jacket over a button-down blouse that matched her eyes almost perfectly and made them look even more stunning than usual. She took it from Lexa's dazed expression and slightly hooded eyelids that she'd made the right call on the outfit, right down to the skinny tie she'd accented the look with.

Clarke smiled knowingly and raised her eyebrows at her briefly before Abby turned to follow Lexa's gaze. Clarke felt her knees go a little weak when Abby gasped and ran towards her. Clarke's eyes welled up quickly as Abby scooped her into a tight hug, and she returned it, crying softly into her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Mom.."

Abby hugged her with everything she had, cupping the back of her head, her voice choked up. "It's okay, baby. It's okay, it's all okay now."

Clarke buried her face against her chest, her eyes shut tightly. She hadn't realized how much she missed her family until that moment, and she tried to pull herself together as she turned away a little. Abby let go and rubbed her back lightly as she turned to Kane and gave him a brief hug as well. When she pulled back, she barely had time to take a breath before Bellamy slung his free arm around her, not letting go of his sister.

"Hey, Princess. Love the hair, it screams raised by wolves." Clarke laughed softly, hugging him back. She caught Octavia's gaze from under his other arm and Octavia offered a small smile, which she returned quickly, reaching out to give her hand a light squeeze.

Clarke pulled back a little, smiling at Bellamy. "So does that beard."

"See, Blake? I told you facial hair makes you look hotter and more dangerous," Raven piped up from the table as she pushed herself up. "Get that ass over here, Griffin."

Clarke laughed as she moved closer and threw her arms around Raven, who rubbed her back lightly and whispered in her ear, "Missed you."

Clarke hugged her just a little tighter, whispering back. "Missed you too, Reyes." They embraced for a full minute, Clarke's emotions tugging at her hard.

"Okay, okay. Jeez, enough of this mushy shit," Raven smirked as they broke their embrace. "Got someone I want you to meet." She gestured at the redhead who stood just to her side. "This is Luna. Luna, Clarke."

Luna smiled and put her arm out. "Good to finally meet, Clarke. I've heard a lot about you."

Clarke reached out and clasped her forearm in greeting, glancing at Raven. "Uh-oh."

"All good things," Raven reassured her, then paused. "Well.. Mostly."

"Oh, god." Clarke grimaced a little, then raised an eyebrow. "Wait, Luna? Lincoln's Luna?"

Luna chuckled softly and put her arm around Raven's shoulders. "Well, I'm Raven's Luna now, but yes."

* * *

 

After they finished eating, Lexa sat more casually than usual, but her hands were still folded primly in her lap despite the fact that Clarke was running her foot lightly up and down her leg under the table. Lexa tried to keep her focus on Chancellor Kane's words rather than the thirsty look on Clarke's face, but it was becoming increasingly difficult.

"—and that's what we're asking for. Just a small, exploratory team. If the power is still operational—"

Raven interrupted him. "And it should be, the radiation won't have any effect on the generator or wires."

Kane nodded. "Yes. So we should be able to use the computer systems to regain access to all of Mount Weather's equipment. We'll have weather data, radar, surveillance, a fully functioning hospital.. There's nothing to be gained but benefit for all of us."

Lexa closed her eyes briefly as Clarke's ankle brushed just above her knee. "Uh—and what, exactly, are your concerns?"

Kane leaned forward, his hands clasped on the table. "Mount weather is still a sore point for many people. If it looks like _Skaikru_ is colonizing it, we're concerned about backlash."

Lexa nodded a little. "There is likely to be some amount regardless of how this issue is handled, but the benefit seems to outweigh the risk in this case. I will issue an order authorizing your exploratory team. Octavia and Lincoln will go with them." She turned to Octavia. "Have Indra select bodyguards for the team as well. There is no need to take chances."

"Yes, _Heda_ ," Octavia responded, ducking her head a little.

Kane reached his hand out to Lexa, and she grasped his forearm in return. "Thank you, _Heda_. This will be a great benefit to all of our people." They both nodded as they shook on the agreement.

Bellamy nudged his elbow into Octavia's ribs playfully. "Look at my little sister, the big shot." She just rolled her eyes, nudging him back, and Lexa smiled lightly at their interaction for a moment before she let out a sudden and fairly loud cough.

"Heda, are you okay?" Octavia looked over quickly.

Lexa's cheeks turned a bit red as she sat back in her chair. "Ah—yes. Yes, I'm fine, _mochof_." Octavia raised an eyebrow and looked over at Clarke, who had a particularly smug smile on her face, then rolled her eyes. Lexa shifted in her seat a little, covertly swatting at Clarke's intrusive foot as she stood up. "If that is all, I do have other things to attend to today."

Kane nodded as he stood and grasped Lexa's arm once more. "Thank you so much for your time, Commander. _Skaikru_ appreciates it."

Lexa inclined her head to him as Abby also stood and moved behind Kane to approach her. Lexa's breath caught just a little. She couldn't help but be somewhat nervous around Abby. After all, she was Clarke's mother, and if she intended to be with Clarke forever—and that was absolutely her intention—it would be much easier if Clarke's mother liked her.

" _Heda_ , before you leave, may I speak with you alone for a minute?"

Lexa felt her throat drop into the pit of her stomach, but did her best to hide it as she nodded. "Yes, of course."

"Mom, don't.." Clarke whined a little, but immediately closed her mouth off Abby's look.

Lexa led Abby to the far corner of the hall, every nerve ending she had twitching. When they stopped, she faced Abby, doing an increasingly worse job of hiding her discomfort.

"I wanted to talk to you, not Assistant Chancellor-to-Commander, but mother to daughter's girlfriend—is that okay, Lexa?" She nodded dumbly, biting her lower lip. "Lexa, do you have any family?"

She shifted a little uncomfortably, glancing away. "No. _Natblida_ children are brought to Polis when they are very small. My parents were killed by the Ice Queen shortly after I arrived here."

Abby studied her quietly. "I'm sorry to hear that, Lexa. Clarke told me it was mostly Titus who raised you. It must have been very hard for you to punish him."

Lexa's face grew hotter as she became even more uncomfortable with the conversation, but she merely nodded a little bit, her eyes searching across the room until she caught Clarke's concerned gaze.

"Clarke is a very different person now than she was when we—when I—sent her to the ground. In such a short time she has become so much more mature, thoughtful, even-tempered." Abby paused, taking a shaky breath. "Clarke was.. Never the same after her father died. She became so withdrawn, so angry. I felt as though I was losing my daughter, and it nearly tore me apart inside. I think you must understand that feeling."

Lexa brought her gaze back to Abby as she took Lexa's hand in hers gently. She nodded a little. "Yes, I do."

Abby gave her a small smile, still clasping her hand. "Then you must also understand what it means to me to look at my little girl and see the strong, brave, wonderful woman she's become. And I know that much of that is because of you."

Lexa couldn't even respond, feeling herself quickly growing emotional and swallowing hard. Abby didn't seem to require a response, luckily. "Even a blind woman could see how happy you make Clarke. I'm grateful that you have each other. And I want you to know that you do have family now." Abby affectionately cupped Lexa's cheek like she was a little girl, looking in her eyes and nodding. "Okay?"

Lexa couldn't stop her eyes from watering a little bit as she nodded back, her voice small and a little shaky as she responded, "Okay."

When Abby wrapped her arms around her, Lexa quickly hugged her back, trying to swallow back the overflow of emotions within herself. Abby just held onto her, rubbing her back a little bit with no intention of being the first to pull away. After a few minutes, Lexa took a shaky breath and subtly wiped at her eye as she let go.

Lexa sniffed a little, her back still to the room as Clarke joined them with a look of concern on her face when she realized Lexa was in a state. "What's going on? Mom, what did you do to her?"

Abby just cupped Clarke's cheek and smiled lightly before heading back to the table where Bellamy, Raven, and Lincoln were competing to see who could balance a spoon on their nose longer.

Clarke took Lexa gently by the shoulders, her voice soft. "Hey, _Heda_.. Are you okay?"

"I am fine, Clarke." Lexa paused to take a slow breath, composing herself. "Your mother is very kind."

Clarke's eyebrow went up a little. "Did she like, make you say that? You don't have to answer, just blink twice if she threatened you."

Lexa chuckled softly. "No, I promise. She just told me I was good for you. And that I was family."

Clarke slowly smiled, tucking a stray braid behind her ear gently. "As much as I hate to say these words—and if you tell her, I'll deny it—my mom is right." Lexa smiled, looping her fingers around Clarke's. "I think she understated it, though. You're not good for me." She leaned forward and kissed Lexa's forehead just above her medallion. "You're perfect for me."

Lexa smiled widely at the feeling that surged through her, from the center of her chest to the furthest tips of her fingers and toes; new, and totally unfamiliar and yet—somehow still recognizable.

Happiness.

* * *

[Weeks Later]

 

The sun was just beginning to come up when a loud knock sounded at the door.

Clarke, who was sleeping on her stomach with her face buried in Lexa's armpit and an arm slung across her, interrupted her snoring to groan and bury her face against her further. Lexa groaned as well and mumbled something into the arm slung across her face that sounded like either "no" or "go".

After a minute, the knock came again, and Ryder called through the door. " _Heda_!"

Lexa crankily pulled a blanket up to cover them and her voice was close to being a whine. "Enter."

Ryder came in, his eyes already on the ceiling, having more than learned his lesson. " _Heda_ , I am sorry to disturb you, but it's an urgent matter."

Lexa opened her eyes, pushing herself up on her elbows, her hair a wild, frazzled mane. "What happened?"

"Bellamy _kom Skaikru_ is on the radio with news from the mountain. He would not say more. Octavia is on her way down as well. This is all I know."

Lexa wiped the sleep from her eyes and closed her lips briefly as though fighting back a yawn. "Okay, I'm up. _Mochof_ , Ryder."

" _Mochof, Heda_." Ryder bowed his head, still averting his gaze, and headed out.

When the door had shut again, Lexa kicked the blanket off and tried to disentangle herself from Clarke, who was still snoring. "Clarke.. _Hodnes_.. Get up."

Clarke snarled into the pillow and tightened her arm around her. Lexa sighed and leaned over a little, running her nails over her ribs. Clarke shrieked and instinctively curled away from her, finally opening her eyes into a glare from within the pillow. "That was just mean.."

Lexa leaned over to kiss her head before sliding out of the bed. "So was putting your hand there when I was talking."

"S'the price of waking me up in the middle of the night," Clarke said as she rolled onto her back, stretching and popping her back a little.

Lexa laughed as she dug out an outfit. "The sun is up."

Clarke slid out of the bed reluctantly and went into the bath chamber, calling out, "Okay, but is it directly overhead?"

"Of course not."

"Then it's the middle of the night. You want the bath or brush first?"

Lexa tossed the clothes onto the bed and glanced at herself in the mirror. " _Jok_. Definitely the bath."

"I figured. Your hair looks like it's gravity resistant."

"You're really not a morning person." She heard a snort followed by the increasingly familiar sound of Clarke brushing her teeth in the small basin. She smiled as she collected Clarke's boots from under the dais and set them near the foot of the bed before heading into the bath chamber as well.

Lexa leaned over, dunking her hair into the tub and starting to fight with some of the larger tangles, grunting a little. Clarke rinsed her mouth out and leaned back a little, watching her struggle for a minute. "You want a little help, _Heda_?"

Lexa let out a noise that was somewhere between a grunt and a whine as she tried to pull out a stray hair tie and pulled out a small chunk of hair with it. "Okay, I'm taking that as a yes." Clarke moved in and knelt beside her, swatting her hands away. "Stop, stop. You're gonna make yourself bald, just let me." Lexa sighed, draping herself a little less uncomfortably over the side of the tub as Clarke soaped up her hands and started pulling the little ties out carefully.

It only took Clarke a few minutes to free all of her hair, and without a word she began washing it quickly but gently. Lexa wasn't about to complain, but they also had to get downstairs to the radio, so she closed her eyes and tried not to think about the fact that there was a naked Clarke washing her hair for her.

Too soon, Clarke rinsed her hair out and slowly stood. "All done."

Lexa twisted her hair around to wring it out before she stood as well, making the mistake of letting her eyes travel up Clarke's body as she did. "Thank you," she sighed, unabashedly taking her in.

Clarke smirked a little and nudged her towards the smaller basin. "I'll do your hair when you're done in here." She kissed Lexa's shoulder lightly, pretending she didn't notice her head tilting to the side.

Lexa let her mind wander a little as she cleaned her teeth, until she heard Clarke's frustrated groan. "Hey, Lexa, have you seen my—"

"Foot of the bed," she called back before spitting into the basin and wiping her mouth.

"How did you—"

Lexa walked out after adhering her medallion, combing her fingers through her damp hair. "You can never find your boots. Ever."

Clarke just looked at her, boots in her hand, only dressed from the waist down, and smiled widely. Lexa pulled on a clean shirt, looking back to see Clarke hadn't moved and still had a dazed, slightly dopey look on her face. She paused, furrowing her brow a little. "Clarke? Are you okay?"

Clarke snapped out of it a little, her voice soft. "Oh, yeah. I just.. Zoned for a minute, I guess."

Lexa studied her briefly before putting her hair in a quick, loose braid just to contain it, and put her own boots on. Clarke finished getting dressed quickly as well, and they headed for the door. Clarke paused before they reached it, taking Lexa's hand to stop her from leaving as well.

"Wait."

Lexa stopped and turned once more to face her. Clarke had a strange and nervous look on her face, and was still holding her hand. "Clarke? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," came the quick, soft reply. Clarke shook her head a little bit. "Nothing's wrong." She reached out, straightening the medallion a little before tracing her eyebrow gently. "That's the point."

Lexa sighed lightly at her touch, her eyelids fluttering a little. "What point?"

Clarke looked into her eyes quietly for a moment, interlocking her fingers with hers. "The point that.. I love you." Her voice was a little shaky, swallowing hard. "I love you, Lexa."

Lexa's eyes welled up instantly, a few tears already escaping down her left cheek. "I love you, too."

Clarke leaned in a little, pulling her closer at the same time, and kissed her softly. When she pulled back, Lexa was looking at her with such a vulnerable look, searching her eyes, that Clarke couldn't help it. She kissed her again, cupping her hand over the back of her neck. Lexa breathed a soft moan when Clarke sucked her lower lip gently, feeling her legs go weak.

Clarke broke the kiss slowly, touching her forehead to hers lightly as they each took a breath.

"We should go down," Lexa murmured, squeezing Clarke's hand lightly.

Clarke's nose wrinkled playfully, her voice a little husky. "Oh, we will. But we should go see what Bellamy's calling about."

Lexa chuckled as she reluctantly let go of Clarke. "You have a one track mind, Clarke."

Clarke shrugged as they left the room. "Uh huh. And the track is you."

* * *

 

Octavia was already waiting in the radio room, pacing back and forth like a caged tiger. She stopped when Clarke and Lexa came in. "Finally! What, did you get lost on the way down?"

"You're in a pleasant mood," Clarke held her hands up in surrender when Octavia gave her a death glare.

"My idiot brother wouldn't tell me what's going on until you guys were here."

"You know I can hear you," Bellamy said over the radio, but his voice was strained.

"Yeah, thanks, Bell. I know how a radio works. We're all here now, so what the hell is going on?"

Bellamy took a deep breath. "We've been here for two days straight already.  Some _Floukru_ showed up to the infirmary. Abby's still with them, but she thinks it's radiation poisoning."

Clarke's eyes widened and Lexa felt a cold chill go through her as Clarke tried to keep her voice steady. "Radiation poisoning? How sure are we?"

There was a pause. "Very."

Lexa chewed her lip vigorously, already drawing blood from it. "Could they have been exposed from something in the ocean? Old missile parts or something?"

"That's what we thought, until another group from _Sangedakru_ showed up."

Octavia looked up and caught Clarke's eyes fearfully, her voice very quiet. "The desert is at least a week's walk from the shore. That's.. A massive spread."

Clarke rubbed the bridge of her nose, her free hand leaning on the table. "Bellamy, where's the nearest nuclear reactor?"

"That's the same question Raven had. It's about 80, 90 klicks south of _Podakru_ territory."

"Can you pull up the r—"

"The radar? Already on it, Clarke," Raven sounded exhausted and aggravated. "We pulled the data, we're working on the last bit of it. Give us just a minute."

They all stood silently, the sounds of worried breaths filling the room. Octavia started pacing again while Clarke picked at her cuticles. The room seemed to be getting smaller and hotter with each passing minute of silence.

Finally, Clarke couldn't stand it. "Someone tell me something. Raven?"

There was a very distinct hesitation where she could practically hear Raven steeling herself. Her voice was quiet and relatively steady when it finally crackled over the radio.

"It's really not good. We're gonna need to get more people to work some of this data, but if we're right, the nuclear reactors that are still standing after _Praimfaya_ are breaking down. Some of them may have already blown up."

Lexa looked at the pale faces around her and addressed the radio herself. "What does that mean, Raven?"

Raven's voice was incredibly tight when the line clicked open once more.

"It means it's the end of the world."

 

 

**END BOOK ONE**


End file.
